A drink a day

Looking back, it’s astonishing how vehemently I denied the possibility of having a problem with alcohol. This realisation dawns on me at various moments when I find myself simply being me.

Last night, I retired early after a taxing day at work, drifting off by 6 pm. Around midnight, I stirred awake, feeling adequately rested. After finishing a book, I had the luxury of leisurely contemplation.

It struck me that if I were still drinking, I would have indulged then and there, at 2 am, relishing every moment – seeing nothing with it and genuinely having a really good time. A bit of music, a slow-burning cigarette, and mindless pursuits—perhaps even writing. What I cherished most about drinking was the company it gave me.

Libations are important, seek destruction elsewhere. Enjoy your drinks dear friends and acknowledge the true craving for chaos inherent in the human condition.

Sobriety isn’t something I advocate. We’re so hard-wired in this society. It’s so easy to be caught up in our heads; a drink can provide the emotional release needed to confront our feelings – be they joy or sorrow. With enough drink you can get to the right sensation and allow yourself the truth of that emotion.

But what then of the clarity that sobriety offers? At times, clarity resembles a serene blue sky, akin to stoicism but cloaked in something different. I haven’t found the precise words for it yet… but it borders on being deliberate, almost calculated. Perhaps we experience clarity differently – this is what it looks like for me right now. I suppose I’m still on this journey – maybe there’s another layer – there surely is.

We’ll see where it goes. Stay tuned – there’s more to see.

Post script

Shout out to my friend Abo – for inspiring this post.