The News…or not.


Newsroom! One of my favorite things on telly in a very long time. It’s fast paced, it’s ‘real’, dramatic, intelligent, funny and and and. It has a lot going for it. Because it is so good, it makes a lot of us feel like the intellectual snobs we are not. So I got my head out of my ass today.

It’s clear that it’s subjective to have something qualify for ‘news’ in our respective opinions.


In high school, I’d sometimes catch a taxi to go home, this one time, while I was waiting for it to get full, the newspaper boy came selling Daily Sun. After he left, these two girls went on about how dumb that newspaper is and how ridiculous the stories were, how no one needs to read that. A part of me agreed. Daily Sun does have questionable articles. A few minutes later they had a fat chat about JLo’s love life. Suddenly the air reeked of hypocrisy.


My friend had this to say on the tweet machine today : “@Queen_Wel: I don’t see how Rihanna and Chris Brown’s relationship is news? Like afternoon drive news? -___- these are dark times children! Dark times.” Apparently this was on Highveld’s (a reputable radio station) 5pm news. Wel’s gripe was that this was reported in a ‘news’ slot.


Honestly I don’t know what counts as news anymore. I just know this, if you care, it’s news. If people talk about it, it’s news. That said, it doesn’t have to be about global warming or interest rates. It just has to matter to people. Even if it’s Chris Brown and Tina Turner.


Lawyers in Suits

I just finished watching the first season of the “legal” drama Suits. It’s like having ice-cream for breakfast; high GI content, a treat when you eat it, but later on you’re just starving. When I hear the words “Legal Drama” I actually expect legal drama, but Suits is different.

Essentially it’s about the corporate side of the legal practice. The story line is centred on the theme of greed and “compassion”, I think. As such the characters come off as extremely haughty and insufferably vain. The main characters are Harvey and Michael, mentor and mentee respectively. Their relationship is nothing we haven’t seen before.

Harvey is the ambitious senior partner who worked his way to the top by using his charm, wit and streetwise intelligence. Predictably this made him the assertive and smug legal virtuosos he is in the boardroom (because he doesn’t let his cases go to court, he likes settling). He’s also in it for the thrill and as such he ruffles a lot of feathers. So when it came time to choose his apprentice, he couldn’t go with the run-off-the-mill Harvard Law graduate. He needed someone as colourful as he is. Like he told his assistant Donna “I want another me”.

And that would be Michael, who’s illegally practicing law (Harvey’s idea, thrills, living on the edge and whatnot). A college dropout (he got expelled) with an eidetic memory and a shaky past. In one word, he’s is sweet. Unlike most lawyers he’s not morally grey and he’s discernible when it comes to right and wrong, even when it means going against orders. This hasn’t been implied directly or tacitly, but I figure that Harvey used to be the same when he was starting out. This and their love for well-whatever it is they love, seems to be the thread holding them together. A good thread I might add.

The supporting cast consist of other characters who give Suits even less depth than it already has. There’s Vanessa the managing partner, who encourages Harvey’s willy-nilly antics. She can be very stern when she wants to be and her ability to command authority can leave you in awe.

Then we have Louis. He’s the quirky fella with that awkward Dr Evil demeanour. He appears to be highly competent, even more so than Harvey, but his lack of swag and likeability render him helpless at his position as junior partner. Understandably, he’s a bitter Grinch.

Donna, Harvey’s loyal assistant. She’s an ice queen with a good heart.

Rachel, a paralegal and Michael’s love interest at the firm.

The other two characters are Michael’s girlfriend and best friend, Vanessa and Trevor. Not sure if they’re worth mention since they’re not “Suits”. Not much can be said for them. Maybe their characters will be developed next season?

When it comes to legal dramas David E Kelley spoilt us with so much depth, substance and richness in The Practice. The same can be said for Boston Legal as hilarious as it was and (well not really, but what the hell) Alley McBeal. Suits isn’t without its Hallmark moments, although they are far between. It’s shallow and entertaining and a different angle and take on “legal dramas”. It’s light and easy and you won’t ever need a Thesaurus to keep up with the diction and rhetoric. It young, its hip it’s fresh and edgy, with some wit and charisma. It’s for the Gossip Girl generation, I get how it could have an audience. I’m not exactly sitting on the edge of my seat, biting my nails for season two, but they do have my attention.

When Drew got voted off Xfactor

I’m a huge fan of the X-Factor USA. I’ve probably only missed one episode. This week, two people went home, Drew and Astro.

I was slightly disappointed when Astro got sent packing but I’ve never cared much for Drew. She was the saddest girl in America on that night. I thought she was going to pull out a razor and slash herself right there on stage. I am no sadist but after seeing Drew weep, I wanted to see it again.

So I went to YouTube and found something much better. This video is absolutely hilarious. It’s Hitler’s reaction to Drew leaving. He throws the biggest fit ever. My favourite part is when he says that he had dreams of Astro and Dido singing a duet like Eminem and Dido. But he says other really funny things too. Enjoy!

What do the children listen to?

This morning I had a conversation with @dream_machine about music and what it means to us. We got to the point where we started discussing the kind of music our parents liked when we were younger. And we started questioning what children listen to and what’s appropriate for them.

In 2008/9 was doing my rounds at Cavendish. A little girl, who couldn’t have been much older that seven, was belting Katty Perry’s “I kissed a girl and I like it”. At first I thought she it was so cute, I mean she’s a little girl and she’s singing in the middle of a busy mall. Then I thought about the contents of the lyrics. Is it really appropriate?

When I was younger I listened to songs with suggestive lyrics too, but I didn’t know better. I’m not trying to make this a generational thing, but maybe it is. Case in point, Pony by Ginuwine, sometime in the mid 90s yours truly used to get down to this song. Looking back I don’t know if I even had an opinion on the lyrics. All I remember is singing along very excited. I think I was nine when Pony came out. No one discouraged me not to sing along to Pony.

So again, what do the children listen to? I know don’t want my kids singing along to any Rihanna’s S&M “Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me”. See maybe it is a generational thing. There are so many more songs with suggestive lyrics and so many more scantily clad artists. For those of us born in the 80s, the biggest threat to our innocence, visually and lyrically was Madonna and maybe (huge maybe) Janet and Cher. And back then you didn’t get this insidious feeling that record companies were targeting children.

Now these kids born in the 90s have so many options and the record companies are definitely targeting them. “The kid’s choice awards”, where all these artists are praised.  Getting them hooked now, to secure future profits.

But then again, I still don’t know what is appropriate for children to listen to.. How does a caring parent even monitor this? So I’m nowhere really. My fear is in that children are getting robbed of their childhoods. There’s so much music out there making them grow up way faster than they have to. Over sexualisation, over stimulation… a stolen innocence. . Britney Spears, Rihanna, Beyonce, Katty Perry, Lady Gaga, the constantly topless R&B boys and so many others.


P.S. My kids are going to listen to listen to K-pop (Korean R&B and Hip-Hop). They can get down not knowing better.

Beauty lives in dance, Silhouette

Tonight I was lucky enough to catch something so poetic and magical on America’s Got Talent. It would be a sin to not share this with you guys.

A group of dancers, Silhouette, performs stunningly behind a backlit curtain to tell a beautiful story. If it wasn’t so hot I would’ve gotten goose bumps. I have never seen anything like it in my life. I was left in a state of awe. I’ve said too much, the video speaks for itself. Check it out.




Come Dine With Me South Africa

I recently watched Come Dine With Me: South Africa for the first time and I must say I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.

My friend Senti insist that I need to start watching, and although I tend to enjoy similar things, I felt like its another trifling Reality TV Show. I must however credit “Come Dine With Me” as one of the best on TV.

For those of you haven’t watched, basically they get four contestants to host a dinner at their respective homes. Each contestant gets to serve three courses; a starter, the main course and dessert. Between the course we get to hear privately shot commentary from what the contestants. At the end of the dinner the other three get to rate the host on a scale of one to ten. The person with the highest score gets to win a cash price.

What I find interesting is the mix of characters the producers put together. Since it was my first time watching I can’t say if the characters are always as zesty. It does however seem like the producers found a winning formula to get the right combination of contestants vying for the cash price and zest swiftly finds its way to them.

It is amazing how much personality food brings out of people. A person will love you (your food) in the moment, but its all a façade to appear cordial. The fact that its a competition further exposes people for exactly who they are, competitive and very self-assertive. Coupled with the relentlessly sarcastic Dave Lamb (the narrator), you have witty, unscripted entertainment that feels real.

What I love most is that these are your average Joe’s who just love food and can cook. They’re not trying to open a restaurant or be the next Jamie Oliver. Plus this is South Africa, for a small country we’re very diverse. It is just such a pleasure seeing all these elements coming together.

I’ve  set a reminder on my decoder and on my cellphone for the next episode. Please do check it out you will not be disappointed. The next episode will be on channel 120 at 21H00 on Wednesday.

True Blood Season Four

True blood Season 4


True blood is undoubtedly one of the most unconventional shows of our time. I’ve been hooked since it started in 2008. Everything that happens on True Blood just leaves you in a state of awe and utter horror, while still managing to appeal to your sense of humour. You can’t help but admire the brilliance of the show’s creators and writers. From the offbeat Hill Billies of Bon Temps Louisiana to the different mystical creatures they feature in each season, True Blood finds a way to appeal to the whimsical side of all its fans. Gory scenes, sex and blood (vampire porn), decapitation, violence, struggles with addiction, religious extremism, racism, romance and so much more, it’s virtually a buffet of everything gonzo.

After watching season three, I was left wanting more. The season ended on such a good note. I had such a good feeling about season four. I just finished watching it, and I must admit it’s not exactly what I thought it would be. @AyandaMo finished the season before I did and she too expressed her disenchantment with the new season. A few other people I follow on twitter were also not impressed. This begs the question, WHAT WENT WRONG?

A TV show’s ability to entertain, throughout the seasons, lies somewhere between the balance between the development of the principle characters and the story line. Something that was also lacking from this season was an offering of eccentric supporting characters. Let’s back this up, so it doesn’t seem like I’m talking smack.

Character Development

Something seriously went wrong. It’s almost like the executive producers of the show put pressure on the writers to soften up the characters. Why? I have no idea. There was something painfully fluffy in this season.

Let’s start with sassy Lafayette. Do y’all remember how gangster Lafayette was? He was a sharp-tongued thug mother fucker. Lafayette was hardcore. He was a drug dealer for crying out loud. He kidnapped a vampire, had a porn site, he spoke out against racism and homophobia, he was just bursting with so much personality. He got kidnapped and terrorised, granted but really the damage done to him was overplayed. If anything I feel like it should’ve made him a little darker. Instead he fell in love with a Mexican nurse who is part demon. It got very gay, very fast. I’m not anti the romance, but it was a little too rosy for me. When he wasn’t in love he was scared, when he wasn’t scared he was possessed.

The second big disappointment was the sadistic and insidious Eric Northman. I should’ve seen this coming when they gave him a haircut. For a good portion of the series, they turned this red-blooded monster, who is famed for his ruthlessness and cut throat sarcasm into a cute overgrown teenager. There were times when he looked like something from Glee. Pam was thoroughly upset by this and I was right there with her. In the last episode, Pam said: “I’m over Sookie, and her precious fairy vagina. And her unbelievable stupid name. Fuck Sookie! I’ve been with Eric for over a hundred years. I’ve watched him seduce supermodels and princess and spit on their bones when he’s finished.” And really FUCK Sookie.

I liked Sookie in the earlier seasons. Her wholesomeness is endearing. I don’t mind her in the series, although I can’t stand her anymore. She’s something like Blossom from The Power Puff Girls now. Terrible things need to happen to that girl, pronto.

I like how the other characters stayed as they were. Even though Tara had that weave in the beginning, she got back to her good old ghetto Southern roots. And it worked. I also want to mention her mother, Lattie Mae. When she made her season debut she was as hilarious as ever. Shout out to the other aged mother in True Blood, Maxine. She’s a racist fundamentalist and we love her for it.

The jury is still out on Bill Compton, I’ve known what to make of him. I’ve always found him formless and vague.

They also bumped up Jason’s IQ. He was a little dumber than this. His eyes aren’t as beady and vacant. Not sure how I feel about this. As for his dwindling sex life…I’m indifferent.

In terms of the characters contribution to the story, I feel like Pam was the vamp of the season. She was raw and harsh. She represented everything I love about True Blood. The things she said were just too brilliant. “I’ll give you 24hrs to deliver that witch to me. And if you don’t, I’ll personally eat fuck and kill all three of you” brilliant!!!

The story line

The story line….mmmmh. I don’t know, this isn’t something I’ve focused on in the past. I was always too distracted by the murderous sex crimes and such. That witch was fucking awkward, her followers were like characters from a basic CW series. Look, I just didn’t find the witch and her childhood playground scars fun. That’s all I’ll say. I preferred the nonrelated events.

Supporting characters

Lunatics and eccentrics are the blood of True Blood. Season four did not give us anyone remotely exciting. They were all so dull. Here are a few of the crazies that I’ll never forget.

  • Godric (Eric’s maker), old vamp, older than Jesus. He had such a beautiful soul.
  • Russell and Talbot, the vampire couple that have been together for hundreds of years. Talbot was the overly sensitive one, he was the biggest fruit cake ever.
  • Franklin, my favourite supporting character on the show. He’s the psychotic vamp who was obsessed with Tara.

There are so many more memorable characters from previous seasons. Even Egg stands out, albeit because of his Adonis body, we still remember him. Which supporting character stood out this season?

Season 5

I feel like season 4 ended abruptly, which gives season 5 the potential to be the best True Blood offering yet! The ratings for this season actually slipped, which is a good thing because the TB team knows they’ll have to work that much harder next time. There’s enough to work on for season 5.

  • Andy Bellefleur shagged that fairy
  • Lafayette has that Mexican demon in him
  • Tara got shot
  • Pam has gone rouge

And I know True Blood is based on a series of books, if book 4 sucked, they could’ve made a plan. Its television, they always make a plan! I don’t care for The Southern Vampire Mysteries, I want more good TRUE BLOOD!!!

Mmmmh, I think this was a rant…

This love triangle must end! Its a little too Brooke, Ridge and Eric for me.

In my humbled opinion

Seven Days of Sex: Day Five PORN


 Disclaimer: I’ve been out of practice. So this might be average. I’m going to do my best to give you what you have come to expect. I’m coming back with Day 5 of Seven days of sex. PORN!!! I’m going to have fun with this post. I’m going to probably deny this in the future if I’m confronted with it…but yeah I love good (bad) porn.


I was 9 when I watched my first porno. Every day after school I’d come home to watch “The Lion King”. It was always in the VCR so I’d just press play when I got home. Little did I know pressing one button was about to corrupt me to my very core and give me my most memorable boner. SMH!!! My cousin, in his infinite wisdom, left his porno in the VCR and just like that, a porn  connoisseur was born (I’m joking I’m not that heavily invested in porn).

I’ll never forget that blonde woman with massive boobs shouting “yes yes yes” as if it was to save her life. I knew what sex was, but what the fuck was sex doing on my TV? Why was sex so naked, and loud, fleshy and greedy? Truth is I knew what I was watching was bad I had not intentions of stopping. It felt so wrong, it must’ve been right…right?


Why the fuck is there porn? I can see society going on quiet well without porn. Out of all the things we have in these modern times, porn has to be the one thing we can take away and the world will carry on perfectly fine. This withholding the fact that one third
of the content on the internet is porn. The internet is very big (I don’t know how to quantify the internet) one third is A LOT! I guess if we do take away porn the world will have unemployment issues for a while. But com’on!

So yes, why do we have porn? I could go into a whole tirade about how us humans are self destructive and we fuck everything up (which is true), but I won’t. I will however say this; everything we have in this world is here, and continues being here because it’s something that the people want. All the developments in society came about because of a certain curiosity which led to a need/want and ultimately a creation.

I think that’s the only argument I have for why there is porn, it’s very general I know. But yeah, I can’t defend the existence of porn on an intellectual level. You’ll have to excuse me.

So I’ve established why there is porn…which isn’t the most convincing reason, as solid as it is. Does this make it make it right? Is it okay that we have porn?


The Good, The Bad and The Naked

I think of porn as a vice. My feelings towards porn aren’t too different from my feelings on alcohol, cigarettes and weed. Now like alcohol, we have decent vodka like Sky and we have that rubbish “so-called” vodka Black Horse (if you’ve never heard of black horse vodka, the lord loves you has kept you safe). Black Horse is this cheap vodka students imbibe when they’re strapped for cash. It’s awful and will give you a hangover that you’ll feel in you Achilles tendon.

Sky Vodka’esque porn

This is the porn that can survive humiliation. If someone finds this stash, you can still  show face in public. This porn doesn’t
necessarily expose any kind of fetish. It is the kind of porn that couples can watch together (if you need porn in your marriage, it’s time for a divorce). No one gets slapped, gets called a dirty whore or a father. There’s usually a badly written script with equally appalling Generations worthy acting. Scenes are kept to one or two penis per scene and per orifice. This is clean porn with
good titles that could be a good Mills and Boon novel, including; Intimate Encounters, Island fantasies, Midnight Tales, Knights of BankCock etc

Black horse’esque porn

This is the kind of porn that you might never live down. If someone finds this kind of porn, you might have to do damage control and explain a lot about the kind of person you are. This is the heroin of porn. Really nasty things happen. You have people moaning/screaming/crying/begging and you’re meant to be convinced that it’s from pleasure. Oh but you have your
doubts! There is no story line, just starts with girls being asked their age etc. Constant name calling! The language is extremely vulgar. Orifice elasticity is tested to the maximum. It’s pretty fluid, coz the camera randomly gets little drops of whatever on it. And the titles are a set give away, including: Little Red Rides the Hood, Double Drill Anal Team, Anal Stories, Her First
Negro etc


Final Say 

I guess we all have different tastes. You’re allowed to be into Sky or Black horse. But all things are connected, like the kind of porn you’re into. It’s all in the shame. If you feel shameful at any point when you’re watching porn, if you feel for the poor girl being penetrated from every possible angle…then you know it’s wrong and you probably shouldn’t be watching. But if it feels right, and you feel in your heart of hearts that it’s all good…by all means watch on!


I’ve watched a lot of porn in my 20 something years on this planet….all kinds of porn black, white, lesbian, gay, shemale, amateur (Paris and Kim K), scat-fetish (2 girls 1 cup, yeah I know ewwww), hentai, gangbangs, orgies and combo of all these genres. Porn
is just something to be curious about…it’s putting sex out there in the most explicit way. It has its victims, its profits, its success (there are actually porn awards), its stars, its scandals (under age actors, STIs etc) and it has a future. Hate it or love it porn will be around for a long time.

The end…


Seven Days of Sex: Day Four


I should start by saying that DAY FOUR might go a little off the rails. This is because I’m halfway there and I’m suffering from awesome doubt. And I now I shouldn’t complain, but I can’t wait for this to be over. But here I am, I made it to Day Four. P.S. I wanted to quit 3 days ago. I’m glad I have you guys reading this; writing for me is fun, but not every day.  So thank you.

Sex sells yeah?  I understand what this means. I totally do. I just don’t understand why it works? And does it work even? I don’t know much about advertising and sales, and how effective sexually provocative commercials are in pushing product sales.

My dream job

I want to be a model in a perfume ad! That’s my dream job. I might never need to have sex again.

The only area where I am a champion believer of “Sex Sells”, and I will go to the church of it, and bow down at the “Sex Sells” alter…is PERFUME ADVERTISING. Perfume ads guys *takes a moment*. Perfume advertising does justice to the fantasies of what we all hope we look like when we sweating balls trying to be sensual and sexual. I’m not big on magazines, but when I flip through one I’m always intrigued by one or two perfume ads. Those black and white ones. Where the girl looks like she’s a stroke away from a divine death from ecstasy. And the guy looks like he has the sexual appetite of a 1000 deprived men. They also manage to look so tasteful at the same time. I’m in love with perfume ads in print. But do they work? Do people buy products because of these ads?

Does it work?

I’ve never bought cologne in my life. I’m stuck on the fact that I can’t imagine anyone looking at a product, finding it sexy and wanting to buy it. Unless if that “something” is a prostitute. But I guess I’m using the word sexy way too strictly. I’ve actually never bought anything because of a sexually provocative ad. They must know that Obis of the world exist, and they will not fall prey to the smoke and mirrors. That’s exactly what it is. Smoke and mirrors. What they do know though is that the Obis of the this world are not immune to visual stimulus. I might not be interested in the product, but I will remember it, and here I am blogging about the subject matter. They have my attention.

People do buy into it though. Why? It’s the lifestyle, it’s something to aspire to. An ideal.

It’s a lifestyle

What advertising does really, especially with sex, is sell a lifestyle. An ad basically says this is what the product is about, not this is what the product is, and by buying it, you’ll also be about this. And who isn’t about sex?

See sex incorporates a lot of things. We’re morphing into a society that operates on perception more than reality. Sex is no exception.

Various things make us feel sex or find someone sexy. Advertising feeds off of this notion. Like is said Sex is the most important thing in the world. It’s about status, identity, power, vanity, esthetics etc. Advertising exploits this. 

I’m not happy

They use sex to sell products. But this doesn’t guarantee customer more or better sex. Okay, for hood girls, a BWM 3 series does guarantee the driver sex. This I think is an ethical issue that should be looked into. Okay, I am being hyperbolic. But I take issue with the sex sell that we will never have. The sell that makes Beyoncé etc successful beyond her alleged talent. It takes away from the good things in “art” that don’t have the “Sex sells” factor going for them.

This is especially true in the Entertainment industry. Granted some of them are talented and sexy, there however more sexy ones than talented ones. Even some of the talented ones are sexier than their talent (Halle Berry).

Movies and music videos are showing more and more skin.

We enjoy (choose) certain things, more than others because of the sexual appeal they have. I’m not happy with this. It’s no coincident that most of the talent is attractive. We watch them because we want to bone them.

You’re taking us for a ride

  • Hair products. Where they get a really sexy woman. With long flowing locks. Looking all hot. Your hair will never look like that on your best day on earth! You must know this.
  • Ice-cream. I actually don’t know why ice-cream ads are so sexed up. The music they play in the background reminds me of those Emmanuel movies from high school.
  • Only way you’ll ever look that good in underwear is if you change careers, and it becomes your job.

I think I need to take a marketing course.

Leaving Day Four here. Need to recharge. I’ll Day Five on Thursday.

This time I’m not saying what it’s about. I want to reserve the right to change my mind without putting anyone else through it.

All of the above was in my humble opinion.

I don’t hate House Music, I hate the Stans, Part Deux

Yeah so this is part two, I was tired yesterday. Like I said. Feeling super charged now, and I actually needed rest for this second part. I did not see it coming.

Ah yes, there I was Cape Town, the land of the free (with racism and all, story for another blog)! Where expression is rife and life is but a thing to do. I was the wide eyed small town boy in a huge community of peers. Away from all the Glens and Simunyes of this world. Keen and ready to discover new things.

I was meeting awesome people. Interesting people. People who are open minded and most importantly people who don’t steel
calculators (yes Wel I am very bitter about my calculator). Obi was with his kind of people. House Music was dead to me. House people were dead to me. A new dawn had come.

Then behold, Big Bash!!! Now for those of you who don’t know what Big Bash is, I’m have to take a moment to try and describe it with the extremity which is due to it. It’s a fan-fucking-tastic event, where you make life friends in the toilet as you
throw up, make out with people you will see every day in your varsity career and will probably never speak to again. Big Bash is a page out of every ridiculous American teen flick. Its debauchery at its best and worst. Memories of Big Bash 2005 are rushing through my head right now…I’m lying that’s how awesome it was. Lol, I lie. But ya, it’s a little patchy. I don’t remember if
DJ Fresh was there, I just consulted with a few buddie, no one remembers. LOL!!! Useless. But he was at most Big Bashes.

So I get to Big Bash and it’s insane. Madness! Different dance floors to choose from. I was going to go finger every single one of these dance floors!!! I even left the people I was there with (I claimed they disappeared), they weren’t as excite as I was. I went exploring!!!

I found the House dance floor along with all the non-Simunyes. These same people, my people, to my chagrin, happened to
be house fans. How could this be? I was confused. These people all seemed so sensible when I met them. But now…not so much. At first I thought it was the alcohol….but no. I was drunk to. And back then, my tolerance was lower than our cabinets IQ. Give me a few shots of anything, and I’ll be anyone you want me to be.

It was the music! House music makes the stans lose it! You know what white kids look like at raves…it’s almost the same
thing, only with MUCH BETTER dancing and without the drugs. And that’s the thing right there. WITHOUT THE DRUGS!  So
much dancing and sweating, and they make these intense facial expressions. I couldn’t listen to the music. People reaction to the music was too much of a distraction. This is, admittedly, not how one should judge Music, but it’s how did.

I’ve since had conversations with House Stans, wow. They’ve defended it on an intellectual level, not the “E monate jo” story I would’ve probably gotten from my people from yester-year. But listening to a house fan speak, isn’t very different to listen to someone in a cult defend their leader. Speak to someone who’s never missed 5FM on a Friday at 6. Never meaning, even when they do, they download the tracks online. Speak, to someone who’ll randomly (without even you asking shem) say, “Yeah, I’ve got 50gigs of House”.

Truth is, House junkies are not any different from the annoying Justin Bieber fans out there. And House music isn’t
annoying like Justin Bieber. A few weekends ago, drunk people left two house CD’s in my car. I’ve been listening to them. And wow, House Music is awesome! House Music is still my future! That 14yr old chubby boy was right!

The stans!!! Oh Lawd the stans!!! Calm down! We’re all trying to have a good time. You’re just trying to have theeeeeeeeee
absolute BEST time.

So ya…the end.