Transgender Rights

After a long day, I put on some John Oliver and let the episodes just play on loop.

An episode on transgender people came up, please watch.

Transgender Rights: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

As with many other gay men I got my start in a closet (I like to call it my Bohemian Glass Wardrobe). I wasn’t in the closet though, I was put there; I was pushed into a corner by everyone around me announcing what I ought to be. Tales for another day.

A quick look into my sex history

I started out sleeping with women/girls/female/womyn. Then I started sleeping with men/boys/males, then I slept with females again, then males, back to females, then I was all over the place. I seem to have settled with men, but we’ll see.

The bigoted homosexual

I used to be scared to sleep with ‘feminine’ men – I say scared now because I understand shame. My language was so much more brazen and bigoted then. Even when I was ‘out’. As time went on I knew better so I did better.

At the height of my sexual revolution, I congratulated myself for being able to sleep with many kinds of men. Then I met a transgender woman, her name was Surprise (I wish I was making this name up). She was sweet and kind, and she gave me her numbers.  I thought to myself, here’s another milestone, you can do it, I thought.

I didn’t end up hooking up with Surprise. I want to say I chickened out, but really I was filled with narrow-mindedness and ignorance. I was now like everyone else. I sounded like everyone else who damn near ruined my sexual identity and all of me actually. I said real dumbshit, which I don’t care to repeat, about Surprise and transgender people.

It was all extremely invasive and crass. With my words I demeaned transgender people, I stripped them to meat bags, and empty shells. This is essentially what we do everytime when we use pejoratives to sexualise people we know nothing about.

See, as a gay mam the zeitgeist would sooner kill a transgender women before they spit at me. I’ve come to learn a few things about what transgender folk go through. This is world is actually unsafe for them. It is that bad. Please be kind. If you can’t mind your own fucking business. These really are the only two option.


The death of lust

So, it’s been a long time since I last had sex. I’m not a picky person, when I’m not sober at least. It’s not like I haven’t had any opportunities. I’m not the most unattractive person in the world. Considering my personality and esthetic qualities, I’m actually a viable suitor, even if it’s just for one night.

Maybe it’s the cold winter or the Leo within is just yearning for a shag, but for the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about sex more than usual. But today I find myself feeling a little indifferent to it all.

See my ego got a boost a couple of hours ago. A little while ago I basically got offered a night in heaven with a supple nineteen year old. At my age that doesn’t happen often (I’m not that old btw, I’m an awesome twentysomething). I could’ve gone for it but I didn’t. I know for a fact that less than a week ago, I’d be nekkid in bed with my loins well seasoned and ready to go. Today though, it’s different. I know I almost want to, but I won’t.

Being the overthinker that I am I’ve decided on a few reasons why I won’t get laid at this point in time. These could be standard reasons why normal people chose not to get laid, but I wouldn’t know. Because I’m not a normal person etc.

I’m scared
Forget what I said earlier. Fear normalizes me to a point where I’m not even an individual anymore. But yeah, I’m pretty scared. Maybe the specifics of my fear make me different from everyone else?
I’m scared that I’ll tear this poor sod into shreds. You know, for a sexually rambunctious fella such as myself, not having sex for a long time grows thee most grotesque thoughts inside of you. I will break this poor child into pieces. Partly because I want to and also because I’m damn hooongray, only because it’s been a while.

I’m growing up
For the past two years I’ve been contemplating how I need and haven’t had a serial (don’t edit) relationship. After a string of near hits and utter misses, I’ve convinced myself that it would be unwise to shot in the dark like I have been all my life. This is part of the reason why I’ve been celibate for so long. I want to keep a part of me honest I suppose. Too many careless romps MUST erode the loving soul. It’s a popular belief and one that might just be applicable to this here rebel.

The age difference
Fuck that! Who wouldn’t want a supple 19 year old? This is not at all a pertinent factor.

I don’t deserve it?
Do people have to deserve sex to have it? I suppose not. But I’ve always thought sex is sacred, even when it’s with a stranger. There’s beauty and poetry in sharing your body with someone, for whatever reason. This being in hindsight, my vanity used to make me feel worthy of all the sexual attention I got. It’s not enough anymore. I’ve grown up a lot since. I’d like the next person I sleep with to be someone who sleeps with me and not what I appear to be. I wear a lot of faces at any given point in time. The face I have on right now cannot be trusted. I’d be having sex in my whole with this person. But my whole would be different to the person this kid thinks I am.

I don’t know. Maybe sometimes not giving into our shallow needs of the flesh is a good thing. All I know is that the lust within me has leukemia and I don’t mind all that much. As for how long it’s been since I last had sex…hahaha. A long time it’s relative. A week for one man is a year to another. So that doesn’t matter. If you’re going to have a lovely shag in the next few hours, good for you! Have a round, just for meJ

Sex, relationships, celibacy, lust, sexuality,

The eagles and The hornets

The eagles and The hornets

I was shy when he tried to kiss me

Then he showed me his beautiful smile

My eyes met his, the sky opened up

I opened my mouth and he blew new life into me

I protested with glee when he groped my bosom

Then he took my hand and placed it on his chest,

I felt his rhythm and my soul was at ease

I opened myself and he held all of me

I giggled with hesitation when his hands ran down my thighs

Then he whispered sweet nothings in my ear

My body went all tingly, my knees went weak

I opened my legs and he fiddled with my love nest

My mind was racing

The stars were falling

With my eyes wide shut, my heart said stop

With my body tensed up, my mind said no

As my mouth opened to speak,

It was too late, he was inside of me

With shame and humiliation I got up,

Weeping inside I smiled and said my name

He said his but I soon forgot

But I’ll always remember

My first time

Raging Staccato

Seven Days of Sex: Day 7, The End


This is the final peace. I’m going to look at everything holistically. I’m hoping at the end of this we’re all going to find peace where SEX is concerned. My thoughts about this are all over the place. I want to make sense I might not. No pictures this time. Just bare.


The currency we give sex will depend on the kind of life you live, the kind of person you are and the things you want in life.

It used to be that society could only function with the notion that life can only “be”, if it is lived in a certain way. This way, in the context of a fully lived life was to get married, have sex and have children, I’m obviously speaking about a common society that most of our grandparents are products of. That was the big picture and it dictated the pattern we were meant to follow. The prophets, the saints, the bible, the churches and some families still keep this view sacred and to all these people and institutions it makes sense and it’s expected to work.


But things have changed. We live in a world that has allowed us to be exposed to so many different things. We live in a world where our thoughts, feelings and lives can be affected by things that were never really as exposed then as they are now. As time went by the most important thing for anyone to be was an individual. An individual not only governed by the prophets, the saints, the bible the churches, the families and most importantly an individual not imprisoned by the standards set by a society that is very flawed.


In the pursuit of becoming this individual, people are cultivated and moulded by the various things they are exposed to. Decisions made by these people can never be the same. Free will/the freedom to choose means that we are allowed to be who we want to be considering (limited to) all that we have been through and most importantly what we know/believe as right/wrong etc.


The way we conduct ourselves sexually is more linked to this than we would sometimes like to think. The problem arises when we are not confident it the choices we have made, and we reject/ignore the things life has taught us. Lessons are mistaken for calamities, and we often find that some lessons don’t agree with each other. This happens when life shows you A and the church (the God you serve, the system you’ve known and believed in for so long) say that A is wrong.  This is when most people find themselves in a cross roads and end up feeling in a tight corner unable to reconcile within and find a path that will ultimately work in life.


Sex-making love-fucking-copulating all mean one thing in terms of the action, but so much more in terms of the thought and intention behind it. We have sex because we choose to. Your reasons will be different according to your situation. We also don’t to have sex, because we choose to because of another kind of situation. The choice must be YOURS bound to only you and you must know your choice and stand by it. The individual’s reason for or against having sex must be respected.


Don’t for one second think that it’s impossible/improbable/unreasonable to be a virgin and save yourself for marriage because YOU failed at it, can’t or don’t want to. It is very possible. People are doing it. Some people try and they fail, because their expectation and their outlooks on life change. Or perhaps they’re seduced by whatever forces and become weak. At this point they’ve put themselves on a different path and find their sexual confidence in saying what they believed in was impossible anyways. When you stop believing in something it doesn’t make it any less than what it was when you believed in it.

The point I’m trying to make is that. Our reasons for having sex cannot be because the reasons not to have sex don’t work.

Your reasons for doing something cannot stem from the failure of a set of rules you do not believe in. They do not speak to you; they have nothing to do with you. Don’t go have mad sex and say the devout religious virgins are crazy, also don’t be a devout religious virgin and say the people having mad sex are crazy. Your ideals and values won’t work for everyone.

But the thing is you need to have ideals and values to be respected. Those ideals and values should include respecting other people’s ideals and values. Ultimately that’s the only way we can live in a world that doesn’t judge or discriminate.

Now that being said, it’s important to note that some people don’t have respect and values, for themselves or other people. When you are busy screwing at random and you claim you have ideals and values then you are not my friend and I have not time for you. What you need is perspective and a conversation with your father/mother/shrink/priest/pastor/friend/Madame/etc. There’s something undeniably morally deprived about people who sleep around. As liberal as one can be, there has to be some sort of moral anchor keeping our sexual abilities as humble as they can be.


This is my final verse. I don’t have much to say. This verse was meant to be about sexual freedom. I was going to make sex about expression. I was going to make it about love. I failed. In my final verse I’ve run out of steam.


Sex is can only be what you want it to be. Just always be at your best with it. Know where you stand always.




Seven Days of Sex: Day 6: Sex and Religion

Sex and Religion


This should be interesting as I don’t know much about religion and what it says about sex. Kids who’ve been to Sunday school, Madrasah and or Torah Jewish Sabbath School (if such exists) know a lot more than me. I don’t remember much of my Sunday school education.

So I gather we all know the biggy…sex before marriage is a sin.

Sex before marriage is a sin

Virgins raise your hands, anyone? Depending on how religious you are, you can either take this very seriously or not. I remember when I first had sex. I was an altar boy; I didn’t plan to have sex. It kind of just happened. When it did, I doubt “I have sinned against God” crossed my mind for a single second. And mind you, I was pretty religious back then. I even thought I’d become a priest.

Why is sex before marriage a sin? I have no freakin idea! So I asked around. If you don’t know ask. Here are the answers I got from the people I asked.

Homosexual: “A ke tsebe hle.” meaning I’ve got no idea.

Devout Christian: “Because biblically we are instructed not to engage sexually outside of marriage.”

Two Preacher’s daughters independently: “Because sex is intimate (sex joins your body and spirit to another) and we must only have it in a secure relationship. And that is what marriage is.”

I asked another buddy of mine. She proper schooled me! I had church on BBM. She proper broke it down. My blog isn’t church though…so moving along.

What I think is that sex is more than just sex. The bible recognises that. For whatever reason it’s made sin because of how sacred it is. The easiest way for me to think about it, is having the kind of a sex your parents would be proud of. I guess pride wouldn’t be the right word here, but I guess you know what I mean right? There a certain conditions (standards) that should exist before two people indulge in sex, marriage being the highest standard.

Basically sex before marriage is a sin because the bible says so. Sin is breaking divine or moral law. Let’s just always remember that there are a lot of ways to sin, and virginity does not guarantee a trip to heaven.

Side bar: This post is going so much worse than I thought it would. I think the altar boy in feels like he is being an absolute heathen. I’m going to ease my guilt by reading “Song of songs” in the bible. I was going to read it before finishing this post, but it really long. You guys should give it a look.

Exploring religious sexual sin

So let’s have a look at what little tidbits religion might or might not say about sex. Disclaimer: The following was heard from various friends while alcohol was being imbibed. Anyways, here are some of the stories I’ve heard about sex and religion.

The Catholics/Christians

According to strict Catholic dogma, sex is purely meant for reproduction. We are meant to only have sex for the purpose of making babies. That’s why the church is anti any form of birth control.

This obviously excludes any bum-fun, aint no one is going to get preggers from taking it in the bum. SideBar: Just remembered that scene from the movie Milk, when homophobe said: “Homosexuality is an abomination. Homosexual can’t even have babies.” And Sean Penn replied: “That is true, but we sure do try.” Hehehe. I think if the gays keep at it, by 2020, we’re going to have our first baby conceived from man lovin. The Vatican will be so mad! LOL.

The church is also not in favour of anyone practicing any pleasurable sexual acts on themselves (masturbation). Apparently that’s like killing babies, or wasting them or something or nothing.

Priests and Nuns aren’t allowed any sexy time either. Just last week my mom came home with a heavy heart. One of her favourite priest is having an affair with a nurse. I laughed, but she was very hurt by this. It’s not the first time this has happened in my diocese. One priest even got a parishioner preggers…obviously he got fired for it.

Abortions are a one way ticket to hell! The Catholics believe that life begins at conception.  Whether you were raped, unmarried, etc…though shall not abort!

Sommer gonna gooi oral sex as a no no, just in case one should jizz.

So, no masturbation, pleasure is for conceiving, no condoms, no abortions and no bum fun.


I’m not sure what’s going on here, I’ve only ever had a drink with one Muslim, who vowed that he’s never eaten pork ever (I’m not making this up). No sex was discussed. I’ve never really discussed sex with a Muslim person. But I’ve heard stuff.

Apparently the prophet Mohammed encourages a good healthy sex life between a man and his wife. This works quiet well especially since a man can have multiple wives. So in the area of sex! The Muslims are #winning

What’s interesting about Islam is that (apparently), it doesn’t explicitly preach against homosexuality. What it preaches against is anal sex. I hope no Muslim reads this.


I may stand corrected, but I think the Jews are the ones who gave us condoms. Yay for the Jews! I’ve always loved the Jews. Even thought they killed our Lord. But our Lord is a Jew, so one must just love Jews.

There’s only one cool fact I know about Jewish sex. Apparently you are not to have sex during the day. This is strict Jewish law. If you really want to, you need to find a way to conceal all day life from entering the room before you can get it on.

What Does This All Mean?

People try to find the truth in religion. It’s just so sad that a lot of teenagers who get pregnant, who get STIs, and most of other people who don’t get sex ed, are church goes. I guess that’s not what church is about. But as a place that people trust and go to, and make life decisions based on, it would be great if life saving advice would be given. Preaching abstinence is great, but alternatives need to be preached to. I WISH church could be that place too.

I wasn’t at all trying to be blasphemous with this post. I’m sorry if anyone read this and felt offended. Believing in God, is believing that He is almighty and His word is irrefutable. We are all sinners at the end of the day. We must just always forget what sin is in our lives and what it means. For those of you who don’t believe in any organised religion, good for you! Shag on!!! But like I said earlier, have sex that your parents would be proud of. Don’t have sex that will bring shame to you. True religion is respecting you.

Don’t go around sucking 1000 dicks, and not fucking anyone all in the name of being a virgin, coz bitch you is a ho! (I had to sign off with something vile, just for the hell of it).

God bless you all!

Seven Days of Sex: Day Five PORN


 Disclaimer: I’ve been out of practice. So this might be average. I’m going to do my best to give you what you have come to expect. I’m coming back with Day 5 of Seven days of sex. PORN!!! I’m going to have fun with this post. I’m going to probably deny this in the future if I’m confronted with it…but yeah I love good (bad) porn.


I was 9 when I watched my first porno. Every day after school I’d come home to watch “The Lion King”. It was always in the VCR so I’d just press play when I got home. Little did I know pressing one button was about to corrupt me to my very core and give me my most memorable boner. SMH!!! My cousin, in his infinite wisdom, left his porno in the VCR and just like that, a porn  connoisseur was born (I’m joking I’m not that heavily invested in porn).

I’ll never forget that blonde woman with massive boobs shouting “yes yes yes” as if it was to save her life. I knew what sex was, but what the fuck was sex doing on my TV? Why was sex so naked, and loud, fleshy and greedy? Truth is I knew what I was watching was bad I had not intentions of stopping. It felt so wrong, it must’ve been right…right?


Why the fuck is there porn? I can see society going on quiet well without porn. Out of all the things we have in these modern times, porn has to be the one thing we can take away and the world will carry on perfectly fine. This withholding the fact that one third
of the content on the internet is porn. The internet is very big (I don’t know how to quantify the internet) one third is A LOT! I guess if we do take away porn the world will have unemployment issues for a while. But com’on!

So yes, why do we have porn? I could go into a whole tirade about how us humans are self destructive and we fuck everything up (which is true), but I won’t. I will however say this; everything we have in this world is here, and continues being here because it’s something that the people want. All the developments in society came about because of a certain curiosity which led to a need/want and ultimately a creation.

I think that’s the only argument I have for why there is porn, it’s very general I know. But yeah, I can’t defend the existence of porn on an intellectual level. You’ll have to excuse me.

So I’ve established why there is porn…which isn’t the most convincing reason, as solid as it is. Does this make it make it right? Is it okay that we have porn?


The Good, The Bad and The Naked

I think of porn as a vice. My feelings towards porn aren’t too different from my feelings on alcohol, cigarettes and weed. Now like alcohol, we have decent vodka like Sky and we have that rubbish “so-called” vodka Black Horse (if you’ve never heard of black horse vodka, the lord loves you has kept you safe). Black Horse is this cheap vodka students imbibe when they’re strapped for cash. It’s awful and will give you a hangover that you’ll feel in you Achilles tendon.

Sky Vodka’esque porn

This is the porn that can survive humiliation. If someone finds this stash, you can still  show face in public. This porn doesn’t
necessarily expose any kind of fetish. It is the kind of porn that couples can watch together (if you need porn in your marriage, it’s time for a divorce). No one gets slapped, gets called a dirty whore or a father. There’s usually a badly written script with equally appalling Generations worthy acting. Scenes are kept to one or two penis per scene and per orifice. This is clean porn with
good titles that could be a good Mills and Boon novel, including; Intimate Encounters, Island fantasies, Midnight Tales, Knights of BankCock etc

Black horse’esque porn

This is the kind of porn that you might never live down. If someone finds this kind of porn, you might have to do damage control and explain a lot about the kind of person you are. This is the heroin of porn. Really nasty things happen. You have people moaning/screaming/crying/begging and you’re meant to be convinced that it’s from pleasure. Oh but you have your
doubts! There is no story line, just starts with girls being asked their age etc. Constant name calling! The language is extremely vulgar. Orifice elasticity is tested to the maximum. It’s pretty fluid, coz the camera randomly gets little drops of whatever on it. And the titles are a set give away, including: Little Red Rides the Hood, Double Drill Anal Team, Anal Stories, Her First
Negro etc


Final Say 

I guess we all have different tastes. You’re allowed to be into Sky or Black horse. But all things are connected, like the kind of porn you’re into. It’s all in the shame. If you feel shameful at any point when you’re watching porn, if you feel for the poor girl being penetrated from every possible angle…then you know it’s wrong and you probably shouldn’t be watching. But if it feels right, and you feel in your heart of hearts that it’s all good…by all means watch on!


I’ve watched a lot of porn in my 20 something years on this planet….all kinds of porn black, white, lesbian, gay, shemale, amateur (Paris and Kim K), scat-fetish (2 girls 1 cup, yeah I know ewwww), hentai, gangbangs, orgies and combo of all these genres. Porn
is just something to be curious about…it’s putting sex out there in the most explicit way. It has its victims, its profits, its success (there are actually porn awards), its stars, its scandals (under age actors, STIs etc) and it has a future. Hate it or love it porn will be around for a long time.

The end…


Seven Days of Sex: Day Four


I should start by saying that DAY FOUR might go a little off the rails. This is because I’m halfway there and I’m suffering from awesome doubt. And I now I shouldn’t complain, but I can’t wait for this to be over. But here I am, I made it to Day Four. P.S. I wanted to quit 3 days ago. I’m glad I have you guys reading this; writing for me is fun, but not every day.  So thank you.

Sex sells yeah?  I understand what this means. I totally do. I just don’t understand why it works? And does it work even? I don’t know much about advertising and sales, and how effective sexually provocative commercials are in pushing product sales.

My dream job

I want to be a model in a perfume ad! That’s my dream job. I might never need to have sex again.

The only area where I am a champion believer of “Sex Sells”, and I will go to the church of it, and bow down at the “Sex Sells” alter…is PERFUME ADVERTISING. Perfume ads guys *takes a moment*. Perfume advertising does justice to the fantasies of what we all hope we look like when we sweating balls trying to be sensual and sexual. I’m not big on magazines, but when I flip through one I’m always intrigued by one or two perfume ads. Those black and white ones. Where the girl looks like she’s a stroke away from a divine death from ecstasy. And the guy looks like he has the sexual appetite of a 1000 deprived men. They also manage to look so tasteful at the same time. I’m in love with perfume ads in print. But do they work? Do people buy products because of these ads?

Does it work?

I’ve never bought cologne in my life. I’m stuck on the fact that I can’t imagine anyone looking at a product, finding it sexy and wanting to buy it. Unless if that “something” is a prostitute. But I guess I’m using the word sexy way too strictly. I’ve actually never bought anything because of a sexually provocative ad. They must know that Obis of the world exist, and they will not fall prey to the smoke and mirrors. That’s exactly what it is. Smoke and mirrors. What they do know though is that the Obis of the this world are not immune to visual stimulus. I might not be interested in the product, but I will remember it, and here I am blogging about the subject matter. They have my attention.

People do buy into it though. Why? It’s the lifestyle, it’s something to aspire to. An ideal.

It’s a lifestyle

What advertising does really, especially with sex, is sell a lifestyle. An ad basically says this is what the product is about, not this is what the product is, and by buying it, you’ll also be about this. And who isn’t about sex?

See sex incorporates a lot of things. We’re morphing into a society that operates on perception more than reality. Sex is no exception.

Various things make us feel sex or find someone sexy. Advertising feeds off of this notion. Like is said Sex is the most important thing in the world. It’s about status, identity, power, vanity, esthetics etc. Advertising exploits this. 

I’m not happy

They use sex to sell products. But this doesn’t guarantee customer more or better sex. Okay, for hood girls, a BWM 3 series does guarantee the driver sex. This I think is an ethical issue that should be looked into. Okay, I am being hyperbolic. But I take issue with the sex sell that we will never have. The sell that makes Beyoncé etc successful beyond her alleged talent. It takes away from the good things in “art” that don’t have the “Sex sells” factor going for them.

This is especially true in the Entertainment industry. Granted some of them are talented and sexy, there however more sexy ones than talented ones. Even some of the talented ones are sexier than their talent (Halle Berry).

Movies and music videos are showing more and more skin.

We enjoy (choose) certain things, more than others because of the sexual appeal they have. I’m not happy with this. It’s no coincident that most of the talent is attractive. We watch them because we want to bone them.

You’re taking us for a ride

  • Hair products. Where they get a really sexy woman. With long flowing locks. Looking all hot. Your hair will never look like that on your best day on earth! You must know this.
  • Ice-cream. I actually don’t know why ice-cream ads are so sexed up. The music they play in the background reminds me of those Emmanuel movies from high school.
  • Only way you’ll ever look that good in underwear is if you change careers, and it becomes your job.

I think I need to take a marketing course.

Leaving Day Four here. Need to recharge. I’ll Day Five on Thursday.

This time I’m not saying what it’s about. I want to reserve the right to change my mind without putting anyone else through it.

All of the above was in my humble opinion.

Seven Days of Sex: Day Three



This isn’t an after school special. I’m not going to list all the disgusting things you might get from protectionless sex. If you don’t now about them it’s late for you. This post is also to acknowledge all the hard work the condom people put into bring us all the exciting condoms. Lets appreciate these hard working men and women. Oh, do y’all know anyone who’s used the female condome before? What’s that about?

If your last name is Christ, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Us mere mortals do.

And fuck everyone who says it’s NAAAAICE without protection. If you’re not married or PROPER committed to ONE person (sorry Mr President), I have not time for that kind of NAAAAICE. You can go have it with someone else.

I’m not going to deny you a few slip ups. Sometimes something inside of us switches of, and we put our lives in DANGER. Yes, there are those times. You feel awful the first time (if you have a conscious). That first time is more than enough to make you never do it again. Don’t let it become a habit. Sex without protection is no different from Russian roulette, that one bullet will get you! It takes ONE.  AND FOR WHAT? 30mins of pleasure?

You are not unique to the laws of biology. Protection Protection Protection.

It’s not just sex

When you don’t use protection, it’s not just sex. You are tacitly adding so many other things to the equation. You’re giving yourself so many other things to worry about post sex. Essentially you are creating potential for momentous irreversible changes in your life. This is the seriousness of SEX. When little pokes, thrusts and drizzles can alter your entire reality. Anything unwanted/unplanned, that lasts for 20mins and can change your life, cannot just be sex. It’s poor judgement, selfishness,
irresponsibility, stupidity, fate (maybe you were born to die of AIDS), so many cracks in your personality.

I just find it so self-destructive to be lax about disease. Love you life and love your shlong/pooms.

Congratulations it’s a bustard or maybe you aborted

I always joke about how people keep aborting the babies that are meant to find the cure for cancers, HIV and maybe even ignorance. Eish! I’m prochoice, but otherwise very anti abortion. Actually, a moment of silence for all regretted abortions: “_______________________”. Thanks.

Do you have any idea how fucking gross abortion is? It’s grosser than giving birth. Essentially, they’re undoing all that gross condomless sex you had. It’s killing the evidence, by burning down the vandalised building. Leaving terrible 3rd degree burn scars all over you.

For us, who were raised well and want to keep the baby. Yoh! I remember talking to @Miss__TC and she said: “I can’t imagine the degrading moment, where I tell my mom I’m pregnant and she has to ask me who the father is.” If you’re going to get pregnant, your parents must know the daddy/mommy is before the fact.

So like yeah, I am Catholic. But I’m part of the reformed Catholic Church, that’s the church in my head. We believe that life begins at conception. It’s too easy to make a baby; natural selection is a bitch like that. We need to be responsible about it. We can’t be brining life into the world if we aren’t equipped to handle our one lives. Only have a child/ren when you’ve worked on the best possible you.

Shit happens

Side bar, do you guys know that song by Kings of Leon “Sex on Fire”? It’s about an STI, that’s why it’s burning. Go listen to it. I got this from Chantelle Hulett.

So you’ve fucked up now. Your shlong looks like lips stick run over by a truck, and your pooms looks like mince. Shame, life’s not over. Don’t be stupid about it, handle it. You had the “not just sex” so now it’s time to deal with it. Do your best. Modern medicine
is still on your side with most STIs.

So you’ve fucked up now. You’re pregnant. Watch JUNO!!! Please watch JUNO. Again, get yourself together. It’s not the end of the world.  But ya JUNO!!!

So you’ve fucked up now. You have HIV. Please be a spokes person! So we know who you are, and stay far away from you!!! I joke. Look, it’s still not over. There are cancers that are worse than HIV. People can apparently live a long time now. I don’t know
said people. But again…it’s not over. It was a lesson you had to learn. You learnt it in the cruellest way.


  • Don’t have sex.
  • Go buy condoms NOW.
  • If you need tips beyond this, I’m not your friend.

“When she/he says I’m allergic to latex, your response is? I wanna see, put it on.”

And it read on her tombstone. “Nah girl, its aight…he pulled out.”

Yeah, that concludes DAY 3.

I’m not going to announce DAY 4 quite yet. I need to think about it.

I’m lying!!! DAY 4, SEX SELL.

Seven Days of Sex: Day Two

Drugs, Booze and Sexytime

Yoh, okay so I’mma tell you right now, please watch out for spelling errors. I had to get in the mood for this one. So yeah, I had me some wine to get inspired by this here post. So like I’m going to manage to make sense, but my grammar will be on that Michael
J Fox vibe, including spelling errors. Bear with me. I joke…or not;)

Drugs, Booze and Sexytime!!! Yes friends, and others (I might love you some day), some of us are as guilty as Charlie Sheen.

Ever since that scene from Basic Instinct (I was 15 when I watched that movie), when Sharon Stone asked Michael Douglas, “Have you ever fucked on cocaine Nick?”, I’ve always been curious. I’ve always said that “curiosity gave the cat herpes” I’m not that cat, I’ve never fucked on cocaine, in case you’re wondering.

My curiosity got worse when *insert friends name* told me to “Fuck on weed. It’s the best.” Weed is more accessible, not as harmful as cocaine and its cheaper. But I’m not going to say whether I’ve fucked on weed or not (the internet is too pubic, even for me). I’ll let you decide.

But yeah, I can speak for booze. Most of us can. So here we go.

“It’s a bad idea, but it’s not the worst thing ever”

It’s naaaaice!!! But it can go incredibly bad, it really can shem. When you just wake up and feel like you were raised by Sondeza performers.

Look its otherwise naaaaice. But, it’s a bad idea when you aren’t taking care of number one, that’s you. You need to first think about yourself when getting yourself in this hot mess of high rewards. It’s the only way to wake up feeling like a better person. It’s not that deep.

  • Use protection.
  • KNOW what you are doing.
  • Tell a friend beforehand (OPTIONAL, some friends want to be heroes, not mine though).
  • Be willing to acknowledge the dirtiness of it all. This can be done, you’ll be fine.
  • You are not Julia Roberts, life is not a movie. Have focus, sex is fun fantasy that needs strict reality.
  • Random dryness. Shem, I am team lube, but it can be an inconvenience.
  • Erectile issues (this is when you go home). You’re no one’s mother.

I am however talking about roulette sex. When it’s random, and you’re not sure when it’s going to happen again and the barman is warming up to you. There is another kind.

“I’m in a relationship and I’m kinda diggin on this person”

ALL BETS ARE OFF!!! Yeah, I am a huge believe of Requiem for a dream good lovin. There is still room for it being a bad idea, this is because drugs and booze are not our friends. Some of us are still for real about protection, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

Okay enough of the bad. Hehehe.

  • It’s really NAAAAICE.
  • It’s to the point, it’s direct.
  • Even when it’s bad, it can be hilarious. I’ve had hilarious sex. You can laugh.
  • It’s survival of the fittest.
  • Its rude honesty, coz it’s selfish (you morph into that person you need to be).
  • Potential for those true colours Cindy Lauper sang about.
  • Leaves very little space for inhibitions that would’ve been there otherwise.
  • It can actually lead to “that love” story, sometimes.

My favourite about such is that morning sunshine that comes with the “I know what you did last night” smile. It’s also met with that hangover that you’ll go through together. So it won’t be as bad, and you’ll actually enjoy most of it. It’s all too silly, but sky high with that cute factor.

“It’s okay”

If it sucked, it sucked. If you didn’t use protection and it’s a proper WTF situation, it’s also okay. Okay, I’m not being generous with my ”okay”. It’s only okay if this only happens ONCE in NAVY BLUE MOON (less frequent than that BLUE MOON). If you’re renowned for this kind of behaviour, you’re not doing great, speak to someone. In life sometimes you’re the windscreen, and sometimes you’re the bug. If you’re on the latter side of things, it’s okay. Pick up the pieces, there aren’t that many. Life
moves on.

Again, don’t have sex if you aren’t willing to deal with the inabilities/unwillingness of some people to do certain things.


I’ve always been soooo jealous of those people who can lie to themselves. I’m brutally honest with myself, but I can pretend. It’s not as bad a lying. Have you lie. Enjoy your pretence. But know!!! Always be aware. That’s the take home message.

I was hoping to get really pornographic with this post. I guess I’m not yet there. I don’t even have an idea for Day Three at his point. Hopefully this will change.

Drugs, Booze and Sexy time. Always be aware.

“We are adults, the next step is adultery.”

“If it feels wrong, it must be right. Consequences might or might not happen.”

“Team Redwine and Lube.” Holla at @NswanaM @tisjane2 @lesala_m and Stacey

“Erectile dysfunction? He’s not that into you”

We’ll see what happens on day three. Until then; no balloon, no party.

Ooooooh, okay. Next post: Disease, it happens.

Seven Days of Sex, Day One


 This wasn’t as easy as thought it would be. I have, however, managed to piece together a few things.

It’s all about pleasure. And how do we have pleasure?  You have to absolutely want it. In wanting pleasure, there is no room for uncertainty and insecurities. Sexual pleasure, I find, comes from doing the simplest of things. You don’t need to be pulling fancy missions you saw in a porn movie. Those are trained professions, you’ll hurt yourself. Yeah, porn movies should actually come with a WWE “Don’t try this at home message”. Don’t be a hero. It’s okay to be kinky, go for it. But do it with caution. Kinky is using a feather, fetish is bringing in the whole chicken, Chantelle Hulett.

I have never insisted on anything fancy in my pursuit for pleasure. I believe in keeping it primal and hungry. Hunger is key; again “You have to absolutely want it.”

“It was only a kiss, how did it end up like this”

It all starts with a kiss. If it doesn’t you’re either damaged or being raped. Lawd bless a good kiss. The best ones actually make me light-headed. People underestimate the power of a good kiss. If you messed up there, chances are its game over for you.

A few simple guildlines to kissing

  • Never kiss ANYONE who kisses with their eyes open. Such people hate their parents and cannot be trusted.
  • Tongue and lips are not polony in a bun. You’re not trying to eat.
  • Be soft and engaging.
  • Kissing is NOT an excavation, you’re not looking for traces of popcorn.
  • You don’t need lube, cap your saliva at 1 milligram.
  • The lips are flavoured. Flavour can be released by sucking gently.

“Sex is like a box of chocolate”

You’ll never know what you’ll get. If sex is the chocolate, foreplay is the box. The anticipation, the want before the need. I once tweeted “Foreplay is what separates us from the animals”. I can’t express enough how much I believe in this. When a lion is about to chase after a Springbok, it doesn’t stretch or warm up or nothing…it just goes. Us as humans are not the same. We need to stretch and warm up. I think this is what for play is, stretching and warming up. Those few times you surprise yourself during sex (I’m a pretzel), can sometimes be due to really good foreplay.

But then there are those people…who want to foreplay like that is all you’re there for (worsting your time). Don’t over-foreplay, be kind to the box holding your chocolates. Someone said “You can never have enough foreplay” I called bullshit, coz we’re not virgins, and we have things to do. It gets boring and tedious if you over shoot it.

“Main course”

You’ve gotten this far. No point in turning back now. You’ve put in all that hard work, it’s time to let desire take the wheel. If you’re not in for a bumpy ride…go home.

You know how they saying the most important thing in operating your business is LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION? With sex its LET GO, LET GO, LET GO. You’ve worked through the kissing and the foreplay, your inhibitions should be a distant memory at this point. If they’re not, feel free to foreplay some more…or go home.

I say “go home” a lot because really, you don’t need to be having sex you don’t want or are not sure about. I can’t stress this enough.

At this point you must be willing to be completely honest with yourself and what you want, or you’ll leave unsatisfied. You’ll also be leaving the other person feeling very inadequate. Sex is about physical conversation. Actions really do speak louder than words. Sex is a freaken boom box!!! You need to speak up. Avoid speaking though…only when people are venturing into foreign countries without the correct documentation can you actually SAY, “Um yeah…the government doesn’t want you there.”

This is very important, because people do tend to want things that aren’t on the menu. Always speak up and be sure to mention what the specials are. Remember, you’ll only get what you want if you speak up!!! If you’re not speaking up, you’re kinda being selfish. Again, you don’t want to leave the other person feeling inadequate.

Go for gold. Get yours. Offer stuff.

“Ai, Oi Oi Oi, Ooooooh, Ah”

So it’s over now. It’s still about pleasure. Some people find joy and pleasure in cuddling, some don’t. Depending on how sensitive you are towards the other person’s feelings, you can go home or stick around. Use your discretion. You just had SEX, don’t be to worried about admin. Personally I don’t think people should have sex if they can’t deal with other people’s inabilities/unwillingness to do what they expect them to do afterwards. At this point you are justified to do whatever it is you want. Just don’t be cruel about it.

I think this is a good place to stop. I kinda had fun writing this.

Looking forward to Day Two: Drugs, Booze and Sexy Time.