When heroes die


So I’ve been procrastinating to get a television, and today, it just hit me. I could’ve missed the coverage of when our dear Madiba passed on. I instantly felt awful for my slight apathy at the height of his awful illness.

Then I recalled a golden memory from my childhood.

The morning Princess Diana passed away, I threw the biggest tantrum, it was epic, got me out of church. So naturally, I chilled and watch tv. And there it was, the paparazzi dun killed The Princess of Wales And Hearts And Great Suits And Hair. I found myself calling the church to ask them to find my mother, because Diana is dead. Looking back, I don’t remember if I even cared for Diana or not, but I knew she was a giant in the world. It’s was a huge deal. The scenes on telly were incredibly emotional. People were broken.

Then I remember how we had a tape of Oliver Tambo or/and Chris Hani’s funerals. Again, it was a huge deal.

Then I remembered when Whitney and Michael died. It was all over the place. We were shattered. Whiteny’s funeral brought the word and mighty praise of our Lord Jesus to the devil that is CNN. Millions (or billions), watched and we all mourned the world’s very own song bird.

Pardon my crassness, but we will lose our shit when (I want to say if, but death is death) Tata dies. There are no words to describe the man he is. He embodies the power of the human spirit. He is a hero because that is his power. I really can’t say more. There really are no words. I’ve listened to many an interview with Mandela. He just resonates everything good.

Sometimes I just wish the story of his illness was kept private. There is just so much money to be made from his death and the vultures are just circling (Gedleyhlekisa, I am talking about you) and I suppose Mandla too? I’m not clued up on what that psycho is doing; the tomb raider headline made me tired me.

Post script
• Actually, someone call The Vatican, get a man canonised! Saint Madiba has a good ring to it.
• I wish Brenda and Mariam were here for this. Brenda, especially, was going to get her shit together and perform the shit out of a jam for Tata.
• Who are these people who are going kill the white people when Tata dies? Please don’t. If you really want them gone, put them on ships and sending them packing like they came. I kid. Leave white people alone.
• On white people. I met this political radical the other day, it was very unfortunate. He said something so scary to me: “The white man taught us his language and his ways so that we can take instructions. This was an investment he made a long time ago, it keeps growing over time, and we don’t even see it.” This scarred the shit out of me. Thoughts?
• So Mandla, The Tomb Raider…you’re embarrassing yourself! (I’m sure I’ll still feel the same once I actually read up on what exactly you were doing digging graves.)
• I’m sorry for cussing and talking about Tata at the same time.
• Happy Friday everyone

The Pope and TD Jakes vs The Devil


I’d like to express my extreme point of view, I am in fact Christian and I’m not a Jew.

So I haven’t been going to church for a very long time. This is because abandon every single bad relationship. But the truth is I love my church. I am catholic, albeit a broken one. I know where my home is, I’ve just moved house and shacked up in a very different place, but every now and then I go back home. Home sweet home.

But home has been molested by scandal and the devils work. Home has been getting worse each and every single year I go back. In the past few months I’ve heard shocking things about catholic priests and I had to find a way to understand all of it.

This is just to make myself better, but yes know what exactly what the problem is.

Where there is a lot of good, there is a lot of evil too. Unfortunately, sometimes evil wins…but God dammit evil is now winning gold.

This got me thinking of how other Christian sects and their Good vs Evil Olympics are going. Good God fearing Christian preacher-men get to have thee most shocking children. Good God fearing men start having Charlie Sheen tendencies…they think they’re being sly but we see them. Okay ya, some catholic priest like boys and they have a fetish for strangling people. But perhaps there’s hope.

Every now and then I meet good people.  It gives me hope and comfort. I’ve met amazing nuns who just personify God’s love. I even got to become good friends with a few Billy Ray’s and Rosemary Ray’s (this is hoping Billy Ray a sister). Maybe all is not lost. I pray for them and for myself (I’m a Billy Ray by virtue of my pops John Paul, The 2nd ) that we all stay being the good Billy’s/Rosemary’s that we really are inside. And we should not and must not lose our way, no matter what happens. We’ve seen through other people how easy it is to lose one’s self.

So yes, the battle of good vs evil is going to be a very lengthy war. My faith tells me to always choose good and that it is good that will ultimately be victorious. In the final hour the arch angel, Mike The Mighty,  will come down from the heavens and go all Rambo on the devil’s ass.

I never know how to end my blog posts. Good thing I figured out “post-scripting”.

Post-script

  • If you go to church, good for you, but you’re not better than anyone else who doesn’t.
  • This was inspired by Pitsi, Khuti, Tsakane, Sithembile, Thabo, Mpho and a lot of you other Rosemaries and Billies. The real ones not a Demi God like me.
  • I really hope this isn’t blasphemous at all. I’m not prim and proper like that.
  • Jo Brand is the funniest fatty in the world. Eff what you heard!
  • I will love anyone who believes in anything good. It doesn’t always have to be “God”. Some people are just not interested and its fine.
  • If money is your God, I love you too.
  • Posting this was my own little church.
  • Also church is something inside the fridge, God is like the kitchen, then some. So maybe there’s hope for ZCC people. I don’t know why I say these terrible things about ZCC people. Some of the loveliest people I know are hard-core members. But ya…the whole star and tea gig is just a willy nilly bad joke begging to be told.

I hope you all have a lovely Sunday.

 

Hate the racist not the race


I’ve been avoiding social media for a while now, but this was on telly, I had to check it out. Another fucking white person used that disgusting word “kaffir”. And as expected the twitter choirs belted their hymns condemning racism. Which is a good thing I suppose, racist people must be exposed, named and shamed! But these racial incidences have a serious snowballing effect that might cause more harm than good. Racism is rife, but must we “ALL” get excited every time it happens?

Racism has been around since different skinned man discovered different skinned man, prejudice based on skin colour was born on that day (or not because I wasn’t there). Twitter has a way of keeping it fresh and current. But here’s the thing, in my heart of hearts I believe it is getting better. In terms of tolerance I think we’ve made progress in South Africa since Nelson became President. We will, however, not see this progress if we keep getting excited every time isolated events like this happen.

I’m not trying to make light of racism. All saying is that it doesn’t mean because something is big on social media it’s big and real in real-life. Another thing that is true about people in general, it’s the need to dwell on negative things. Same way a lie is halfway around the world before the truth has got its boots on, negativity will always take a back seat to positivity. Its racism, insidious, its scandalous, its taboo, let’s condemn it! Let’s condemn it every time it happens. But to what end? Won’t we ultimately become a country walking on eggshells?

Basically I think social media is painting the worst picture on the topic of racism.

I’m having a random thought, trying to figure out what the opposite of racism is, I guess its tolerance? I don’t know. Anyways, I’d like to think more of that happened today and I salute everyone who is tolerant.

Jessica Leandra, Darren Scott, Steve Hofmeyer, Virgin Active dude, Helen Zille (if you’re nasty) and many many many others we won’t get to know about, don’t paint the full picture of who we are as an entire country trying to heal. Really fuck them! But still calm down, we’re okay.

Racist, sexist, ageist, homophobic, classist etc, as long as there’s fear and hate bigotry will always be alive. We’ll always find a way to construct discrimination.

Postscript
Everyone wants to stop racism, but no one has a solution really. I don’t even have one. I can’t think of a way to stop racism. I don’t think it is stoppable. Grit your fucking teeth and pretend. Its not that hard. I smiled the whole time when I was in Durban. Jokes.

The K word makes the N word look like a lil bitch phone bill drama.

I’d also like to apologise for saying fuck so many times in this post. This is the last time I’m blogging about racism and other isms. I’m tired!

You Lazy (Intellectual) African Scum!


You Lazy (Intellectual) African Scum!.

“In our future you wouldn’t look twice” #GTFOH


DASO knew that this here poster would cause a stir and why wouldn’t it? Its two attractive naked people with contrasting skin tones. For crying out loud, it looks like a Jean Paul Gaultier perfume spread in a magazine. And the slogan, “In our future you wouldn’t look twice”. Like interracial relationships have anything to do with politics, as symbolic as it may be.

I would’ve loved this picture if it wasn’t blatantly used for ballyhoo. I think it’s in bad taste. Like when Helen dresses like a Soweto street vendor to “get down” with the people. Using shallow differences is not the way to sway people. Or me rather, it is best to speak for myself.

If a picture is worth a thousand words than The DA has for me said enough for the next few weeks. I don’t know if The ANC has responded to this poster yet, but I would urge them not to. This is D-grade fodder for bloggers like me. Shame on me for giving this attention, but it’s what you wanted so here it is DASO!

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and their politicians as a joke. – Will Rogers

Top Ten Reasons why your RIM BlackBerry is a 3310.


10. The big BIS button is broke.

9. This is a loyalty test.

8. Ubersocial for blackberry and the neanderthals who use it over loaded the RIM servers.

7. Steve Jobs has nothing to do with this, but whatever. Everyone is telling big jokes about this one.

6. Desmond Tutu was praying for a better world. RIM got caught in the crossfire.

5. Loyiso Gola did it! For better jokes shem. That kid is dry!!!

4. Someone in the ANC got an executive position at RIM…this what happened on day one.

3. RIM employees are Springboks supporters…depression hit hard.

2. Al Qaeda did it. When we wake up tomorrow England will be Bungra-land.

And the number one reason why your BlackBerry is a 3310,

1. Its 60 rands! The fuck did you expect for 60 rands? Sit Down!!!

As the counting draws to an end. ByeBye Local Elections


These election have opened my eyes to a few things that I guess I’ve known for a long time. The ANC is running our country and spending our taxes. They’re capable and they have resources. We give them power, we are the people. We must have opinions and we must voice them. I’m feeling like a bit of a heretic tonight. So most of the following will not be in my humble opinion. And again I say, I am not anti ANC or pro DA.

Our people are still shaken by apartheid. We’re still crippled by it. In the way we think, in the things we say, in how we act and more importantly how we fail to act.

Riding on what Allister Sparks calls “The gatvol factor”, isn’t going to win votes. Opposition parties are, and reasonably so, under the impression that people being gatvol of bad services will win them votes. The ANC has a weapon that surpasses the gatvol factor. Its called devotion.

Today someone  tweeted “Not about race? why do all white voters PROUDLY vote DA and black ppl r made to feel stupid for voting ANC w/ words like blind”. I replied to this tweet by quoting what an ANC supporter said on telly, “If u are ANC, u stay ANC. If u my brother , u stay my brother. YOU DONT JUST CHANGE AND BECOME A WOMAN”.  I can’t speak for the man who said this, but I can’t help but doubt how sober his thoughts are, drunk on devotion. People are not stupid for voting ANC, they are stupid for such utterances. The ANC is aware of such banter and does nothing to discourage. I’m willing to go as far as to say the ANC encourages it. ANC supporters are not in good company, and the ANC has no qualms with this. Don’t even get me started on the violence that nearly broke out in the Midvaal when the DA won.

The socio-economic status quo of the ANC strong-holds speak volumes of why these places are ANC strong-holds. I wonder how much the DA has done to actually try to win over these constituencies. So much effort goes into winning the money constituencies (the big metros). Does the DA really care about:

  • The ANC is leading in Aganang [Moletji/Matlala] with 86.5%.
  • The ANC is leading in Ba-Phalaborwa [Phalaborwa] with 82.72 %
  • Blouberg The ANC is leading Blouberg [Bochum/My Darling] with 92.08%

Granted these are small municipalities, but how much does the DA care about them? I deliberately chose from constituencies in Limpopo because it’s the furthest province from the Western Cape, a DA strong hold.

Last word

A question that I should have asked myself at the beginning of the elections: How do you win votes and influence people? I have no idea. Hoping that I’ll be blogging in the next elections, I’ll open with this line.

P.S. Every election the DA gains ± 2% of votes. So in roughly ±27yrs (national and local election, ±9 elections) Jesus is coming. If you believe the words of your president. Hehe.

Politics should never be about brand loyalty.

Top Ten Reasons Why Zille is Godzille (Threat to the ANC)


10. She speaks fluent Xhosa.

9. She’s an attractive woman.

8. Botox injects affect parts of the brain and can make you crazy.

7. That sidekick of her’s, Lindiwe Mazibuko.

6. Angela Merkel went to her house for tea.

5. She’s learnt a few moves and will soon be able to get down like JZ.

4. She did an expo on Steve Biko’s murder and was arrested for it.

3. The bull balls to call the president a womanizer who puts his wives at risk of contracting HIV.

2. The world is a big place, when you win “Mayor of the World” you are not to be taken lightly.

And the number one reason why Helen Zille is a real threat.

1. See the picture below.

Godzille

Top Ten Reasons why weed should not be legalised


10. It’s too much fun.
9. We don’t need anymore good ideas.
8. Muffin mix prices will sky rocket.
7. People rather have alcoholic parents than full time stoner parents. Right?
6. “My son is a weed distributor/specialist” doesn’t sound good.
5. Fast food restaurants will need improved security.
4. Our MPs don’t need more vices. Blade Blazer.
3. Bongo Muffin might ger back together, who needs that? #MEEE
2. General Practitioners will have one more thing to prescribe, that patients “don’t need”.
And the number one reason why weed should not be legalised.
1. Prank calls to emergency services. These are important in saving lives.

Obama killed Osama, The Disney version


Who put the terror in terrorist killer?

Obama!

Whose daring deeds impressed the rednecks?

Obama!

Isn’t he black?

No one’s darker.

Isn’t he mean?

Our cruellest darkie

Obama, Obama,

Obama, Obama

Obama, Obama