Weight Loss Dollar Bills

Tired from a long day…but I’mma blog anyways. My thoughts will be scattered and all over the place, my brain is tired. Also this is a serious topic, I’m in a serious mood.


My BMI was/is apparently messed up according to The BMI Police @QueenWel. So I decided to go back to being “healthy” by exercising.

Weight loss is a mission. I’m going to say that right now. I have mad respect for people who’ve shed a sizeable amount of weight.

As this was my first attempt at consciously trying to lose weight, I learnt a lot. The experience was somewhat of a rude awakening.

I jogged religiously and I kept a healthy frame in my youth. So my plan was to jog and the weight would just fall off. Getting back into jogging wasn’t too hard. At my peek I was jogging 9kms every second day and 4km sprints in between. It took long to start seeing results, ultimately some did show. I wasn’t happy though, considering how much I was running. Over say two months, I lost 3kgs (a solid three kgs). Problem was, exercising justified eating like a pig.

I spoke to a friend, who’s friend lost 7kg over lent from only quitting meat (chicken too, for black folk who don’t recognise chicken as meat) and alcohol. Nearly died when I heard this. I’ve been running like a nutter and here’s this other person losing so much so quickly from cutting meat and alcohol. I obviously wanted some of this. So I gave it a shot.

I wanted a diet that worked for me. So I looked at all the things I can do without. I picked cutting down on carbs (I get awful headaches when I don’t get carbs in me), dairy, alcohol and less meat (not trying to quit eating meat ever). This diet was such a revelation. After just over a week from running and eating less…I could see my body looking a little better. Got a little lazy, ran less and the weight was still falling off. Three weeks later. I was sold! This was how I was going to get my BMI right. Don’t even want to say how much weight I lost, don’t want to brag.

Side-bar. This is how a humble brag can go wrong, if you can even call it that. My friend, who I shall not be name, (you know who you are) once “innocently” tweeted: ‘I lost 10kgs in under 7 months. This is so worrying, I’ve lost my appetite’. A month later on facebook, friend said: ‘Playing sports. Great stuff. No weight gain this winter’. Smh!

Anyways, I caught a terrible cold and once I got better, I wanted to ENJOY life. My bad habits got the better of me and I fell of the weight loss gravy train (is this irony, pun vibes…I can’t tell). Went back to drinking and eating starch packed dinners with meat on meat. Then going to sleep 30mins later. The weight came back like it was just waiting to pounce on me. I was crushed. My “get’em” jeans were jaaaast about to fit perfectly. Sigh

So here I am. I want to get back on track. Wanted to treat myself to a snack before I go mixing with The Sand Man. Choice of snack? Potato chips. Calories, 550. Recommended daily intake for men my age 2500. I’m now deciding if I should eat them. To help me decide I went to google (I know don’t know when I became this person). I found this:
“In weight loss studies carried out by health scientists, women that ate 1000 calories less than their daily requirement lost around 2 pounds (0.907 kilos) per week. This is considered a healthy and sustainable level of weight loss. The same rule applies to men.”

You know…at the beginning of this post I wasn’t going to eat these chips. But now I think I should…only because I feel whack-like-crack for counting calories. So I’m going to pull the ol’ diet cliché…I’ll start tomorrow. Let me just treat myself.

I’m also going to eat chocolate. #Tomorrow #iSwear


More and less than

Everyone thought Carol Masilo was beautiful. She however paid herself the greatest compliments in the privacy of her own thoughts. Success breeds success was her mantra, and her supermodel good looks were evidence of it. She excelled in most to all of the things that she’d attempted. Life was great to her. She knew it, celebrated it and was only modest when confronted with a compliment. She valued herself primarily on a superficial level because it was easy. She was of the opinion that it’s best to see herself as the world saw her seeing as she was revered by so many, it worked out perfectly. Her mental state of grandiose was further exacerbated by how proud her parents were of her. It was better than public opinion, it was from home.

As superficial as she was, she was extremely conscious of it. It would bothered her at times when her “lesser” friends spoke of love, positivity and finding a soul mate. When there were self improvement conversations Carol would shut down and think “These things should come naturally to you people, there should be no need to talk about them as a means to find inspiration”.

She was however by no means a cold person. A part of her couldn’t help but show kindness to people. In fact, every act of kindness would haunt her with a little guilt. She’d second guess herself asking herself, “Am I being courteous because I’m a decent human being or am I do it to be liked?” Nevertheless she acted appropriately and it had to be worth something.

She often found that dating or rather having a boyfriend was something of a convenience. She’d often go on dates and entertain the advances of men she deemed to be of good pedigree. They were, or at least appeared to be, as superficial as she was. The thought of being with someone who’s like her sickened her at times. But the rhetoric and the shared interests were alluring, and an undeniably good way to further explore her relevance with male counterparts.

Carol was however in for a rude awakening. Her entire introspection was about to change.

To be continued, coz I’m tipsy and I can’t see beyond putting my protagonist in a terrible car accident.

Top Ten Reasons Why SA is the 3rd Fattest Country

10. Taxi rank cuisine.

9. Have you seen our first ladies?

8. Maggie from Isidingo

7. Anyone can get pregnant/impregnate in SA, waistlines are hardly a factor.

6. Afrikaner cuisine.

5. Alcohol

4. Fake gyming in Generations.

3. Kwaito songs calling it sexy.

2. Woolworths Food, and the illusion of how “slimming” you look in their clothes.

and the number one reason 1 South Africa is the fattest country in the world.

1. Nelson Mandela, freedom, democracy and a very liberal constitution.

This was a quick hitter. Working on a real post on a fat SA. Hope you’re all well. Hit you up later.

In my humble opinion

The African Nose

So it’s no secret that us black folks are renowned for our, wide, big and flat noses.
It should be said now that I’m not speaking to the beauty of these noses, or the lack thereof. I could go on about how “society has conditioned us about this or that” when it comes to the black nose. I rather not, but I will say this, for a black (yes, for a black) my nose is fantastic.

Going back to the point of this post. I just want to tell you guys about the myths and anecdotes I’ve heard over the years as to way we apparently have the kind of noses we have as black people. In chronological order:
Piggy Back
You know how our parents use to carry us piggy back. Apparently because we were carried piggy back most of the time in our infancy, our noses were flattened by our mothers backs.
This one has to be one of the most ridiculous ones of my list. It goes that, because white people are the ones who were “meant” to swim, they have pointy noses to allow them to breathe better under water. Because blacks have no need for swimming, were not given noses that allowed for it.
This is the only one I found plausible. Evolution allows that people adapt to the conditions in the areas they’re live in. So in colder areas, air needs to warm up through the nasal before it enters your lungs. A longer nose allows more time for air to warm up. So ergo, people in warmer areas, don’t need it…because the air is warm. I heard this one from a UCT med student, so I believed it. It sounds better than the other ones. But then I thought of Mongolians and Eskimos. These people live in very cold areas, and have very flat noses. Did they miss a stage in evolution?
Survival in Africa
This is my least favourite one. It didn’t make me laugh at all. I was so convinced by the climate one that anything else would have to be from a text book. It goes that, because of Africa is dangerous and Africans are born hunters. We need our noses to be big.

Love that African nose of yours. It’s the way it is for a reason. I gave you 4 to pick from. Hahaha, but you don’t need one. Just in case you do, go with the 3rd one.

In my humble opinion.