The other organ you feel with


 

Recently a buddy of mine got her heart/ego handed to her by a douche lord. Not sure if my friend is/was in love, but she was in something and it stung to have her hopes shattered like that. I believe in love, love is beautiful, but not all of it is love. We, not knowing better, find ourselves in situations that leave us lounging in the presidential suite of the heartbreak hotel.

There’s the heart and there’s the ego. We seem to react to them similarly. Splitting them might be important for reflection when things go pear-shaped. Your heart might still be fine, but your ego puts it in jeopardy.

It’s important to realise that our egos are as delicate as our loving hearts.  The ego is the core centre of confidence. It’s were we weigh our self importance. When we have people coming in and out of our lives treating us lesser than the value we have attached to ourselves, it takes a toll. Not to say that you lose all self importance, but your confidence in finding a suitor diminishes. We have those cliché cases where you find beautiful intelligent women dating men who aren’t even worth a KFC ice-cream (without the flake) in character. And we wonder why. Your ego breaks so many times that that part of you starts asking for less. I might be reaching with this, but just like how the heart wants what it wants; the ego goes for what it deems its worth. We get into a cycle of being involved with the same demon with different names. We all have that friend.

Some of us are lucky, we realise it and break the pattern. The rest of us, too weak and broken, resign to the idea that “THE ONE” will come, so we sift through the KFC cones looking for a waffle.

To get out of the pattern I think is to take a break, a very long break to let your ego heal. Holla if you know a better way.

The point of this was to make everyone realise that when we are dissed and treated like doormats, and ultimately dumped we feel so much pain and humiliation, that we believe that we were in love. I mean why else would it hurt so much? It has to be love right? Truth is sometimes it’s your ego, it bruises and it hurts too.

 

To have ego means to believe in your own strength. And to also be opened to other people’s views. It is to be open, not closed. So yes my ego is big, but it’s also very small in some areas. My ego is responsible for my doing what I do- good or bad. Barbra Streisand

 

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The single are helpless (maybe not the right word).


I’ve been working on this for a bit
now.  Quite frankly, I just had to blog
about this to try to make sense of what I think is inside of me. Might as well
share it with you guys. In case I’m not going through such things alone. You must understand, I don’t expect you to agree with any of what I’m
saying in this here post.

I once tweeted this : “You are single
for one reason and one reason alone. You haven’t found someone who likes you,
and who you like back”. Now that I’m a blogger (snaps for me), I can
explore this further. I thought about my tweet and it essentially meant that
the single are helpless.

I want to get a few things out of the way.
It is such things that I find lead to confusion and us lying to ourselves. The
story of she/he is not my type. Here’s the thing. Only people in a relationship
have a type. Your type is not someone that you make up in your head! “She/he
has to be like this, and that, and there’s no way he can….”. Yeah, no! It
doesn’t work like that you. Your type is the person you are with or end up with.
We need to realise that we change our minds all the time. Sometimes it’s
circumstantial and sometimes, you just realise “Fuck it, so what if he doesn’t
have a car” or “I don’t give a shit if she smokes”.  If there was ever a variable in life, it’s
this so-called “type”.

Dating
is not necessarily being in a relationship, in what I understand as the
definition of a relationship. Lol, I’ve just backed myself up into a corner
right there, because I can’t really say I know what a relationship is. Or
maybe, I know exactly what it is, because I haven’t had one. I actually believe
in what I’ve just said. I know what it is because I haven’t had one. Yes I have
dated, l am not a freak weirdo. But as far relationships go, I go short.

I read in a Paulo Coehlo novel once
(paraphrasing) “At a point in life, we all believe in an impossible love. And
when the truth about that sets in, we a released from that fantasy and can find
a true love.” Hehehe, I’m pretty sure I’m making this up; it was something to
that effect. What the impossible love for me means is that first heart break,
where you found your soul mate, and it’s everything Disney, Nancy Meyers and
every Hugh Grant movie have promised you, but it’s a broken promise, coz it
just can never be! Its love, it’s real, you feel it, you want it, you yearn for
it, but it will jaaaast never be.

I think I am single because I am yet
to find my impossible love, I’m waiting to be released. This is true for most
of my friends. It must be said though, this is most possibly not the status quo
for our peer group. I don’t know many normal people.

We are also helpless because as humans we
survive and adapt. This is how we were built. And @TheSingleWoman isn’t making
things any better, stop following that ish! You know who you are. Being single
is not something we should get used to, and be okay with. I’m not saying join
an internet dating sight! No, I’m saying recognise that you are deserving and
capable of finding someone.

I was speaking to my buddy for days the
other day @kumarclark. And she just said it so right. “We live in a world where we
don’t “need” to be in relationships for the reasons that people used to be in
them. Which makes it harder for us to be in them.”

She said that what we are looking for is
companionship. What this meant to me is that, we want to want to be wanted,
when we need it. We want to want when we feel like it. We want the job, without
the work, and we want the rewards without the effort. We are that generation.

Are we doomed to this reality? I’m scared
that we are. It’s so easy, and its something you can have. But its so short
term, so convienent, so unsustainable. Eventually someone will want more.

To quote from a song by one of my
favourite subterranean bands, Lovage: “I feel that you shouldn’t get
involved in a relationship, until you are emotionally mature enough to handle
it totally. Able to cope with your feelings and your sexuality, without guilt,
inhibition or phoniness, but with love, tenderness and honesty.”

Be opened minded to the idea of everything
you believe you deserve and are worthy of. You only have your sanity to lose,
and who needs that. Something good will come your way. Beyond that, you are
helpless.

Gonna leave you guys with a line from a
book by Zoe Heller, “Notes on Scandal”

“Being alone is not the most awful
thing in the world. You visit your museums and cultivate your interests and
remind yourself how lucky you are not to be one of those spindly Sudanese
children with flies beading their mouths. You make out To Do lists – reorganise
linen cupboard, learn two sonnets. You dole out little treats to yourself –
slices of ice-cream cake, concerts at Wigmore Hall. And then, every once in a
while, you wake up and gaze out of the window at another bloody daybreak, and
think, I cannot do this anymore. I cannot pull myself together again and spend
the next fifteen hours of wakefulness fending off the fact of my own misery.”