The Grammy Awards 2012 (This Is Not A Rant)

I want to have my two cents worth on last nights Grammys.

In my infinite wisdom, yours truly set his alarm for 3H00 CAT to watch the Grammys. For the first time in a very long time I was excited to watch “the greatest honours” in music. I was keen and excited to see what the Grammys prepared for the incomparable Whitney. And I stayed up for the starlets who we now have to count on to fill the space in our hearts, that Whitney so tragically left, with their angelic voices and range defying abilities, the princesses of soaring ballads Adele and Jennifer Hudson.

Mind you it had been a while since I last watched the Grammys. In my youth I used to love award ceremonies, but I’d lost touch with that world. I couldn’t keep up with the industry and my taste in music wasn’t well represented in most (all really) of these award shows. But every now and then I’d visit youtube after every major award to soak up some of the good performances and I do remember seeing really good ones in the past as well. So besides the tribute, Jennifer and Adele, I was hoping for some of that magic last night.

The whole thing was underwhelming to say the least. Yes, I am biased and the topic of music is extremely subjective. I’m not arrogant; I’ll acknowledge that this is MY disappointment and not a reflection of the work the producers and performers put into the show. But I have an opinion to express and it is not a happy one.

On the performances

• Chris Brown (Breezy if you’re nasty) gave us a show, a dancing show. He was out there dancing like a new act in Cirque Du Soleil. He’s a brilliant dancer, I must say. If I was into that kind of thing I would’ve been over the moon! But I’m not, it’s the Grammys and he was lip-syncing.
• The rednecks. I’m not even being rude or racist. It was like a southern hoedown at some point. Taylor Swift looking and going on like something from Huckleberry Finn, or maybe even Gone With The Wind The Musical (not really, I’m being nice). There were others before and after her, not sure who they are. They sang and did their thing.
• The Beach Boys and Adam Levine. This particular performance I actually found disturbing. Thing is when I think of geriatric performers, I think Steve Tyler and Mick Jagger. The Beach Boys and Adam Levine on stage together…it was like a Viagra commercial.
• I would at this point like to remind you once again…my opinion. Somewhere out there someone was enjoying all this crap.
• Rihanna and Coldplay. Two tweets came in that really resonated well with me. 1) “Someone please tell Coldplay and Rihanna there’s a difference between singing and competitive weeping” 2) “Puppies die when Rihanna sings live”. I love Coldplay, came to see them jam when they were in South Africa. I love Rihanna too, she’s a rebel and its fun to watch (sometimes listen) her. Her performance was actually reminiscent of some performance I remember from an MTV awards show in the mid to late nineties. It went well with her song actually. But I think its time someone from SONY or other music equipment companies out there to invent a microphone that will work with this sweet girl’s voice.  This is coming from a good place actually, because you actually see the struggle in Rihanna’s face when she sings live. Like she knows she’s killing puppies and she’s just trying so hard not to spare a Lab or two.
• Adele! Congratulations to her for wining all six of the awards she was nominated for. She’s still so young! I’m looking forward to watching her career. She sang beautifully!!!! Her voice is something out of a fairy tale. It’s rich, it’s mature, it’s melodic, it’s an absolute pleasure to hear her sing. But there’s a “but”. I don’t know about your guys, but I think Adele is incredible stiff on that stage when she performs live. We’ll get the occasion high school talent show swing and a few hand gestures every now and then. It’s a live performance, give us a show! Celine, Whitney, Mariah, Aretha they all have signature ballad antics to LET US KNOW (and boy do we know) that they’re feeling the song. Dramatic heaving shoulders, raising your hand to the Lawd Geezos, leaning back as if to harness strength from the heavens! Okay, I went a lil too far. But you must agree she’s a bit of an automaton when she performs. Even her backup singers seemed to be having a much better time than her. Those sister were grooving to the beat. Maybe she’s modest and she’s still a lil shy. Still love her though. I’ll close my eyes when she performs and imagine whatever I want to.
• Jennifer Hudson. Her rendition of Whitney’s “I’ll always love you” was heartwarming. If they had more time, pretty sure the producers were going to get Mariah, Aretha, George Michael, Dion Warwick, Beyonce, Christina Aguilera and a host of other artists to sing a verse each to give Whitney a proper send off. Jennifer did her right though, I cannot take that away from her. I think I’m a TV magic junkie.

The host

LL fucking Cool J! Terrible host! Never again! It was like he was MCing Miss Baltimore. He was average to say the least. He’s got very little stage presence. No personality whatsoever. He bored me.

In conclusion

I didn’t like the Grammys this year. I guess it’s obvious from the above. If I had to rate them I’d give them 2 out of 5 stars, and that’s very generous. But yes, I’m a 20something year old South African and they cannot cater for everyone, I just wish it felt like they’re trying too. Nicky Minaj stood no chance against the balding Hillbilly Bon Iver (I know, like who the fuck is that?). I’m boycotting the Grammys for the next five years.

Postscript

• This post was actually going to be 2000 plus characters long. I had to edit it quite a bit. I got into the politics in the music industry and other things in knew little about. It would’ve been like Lil Wayne giving a lecture on quantum physics.  I also went on a rant about how Al Sharpton should’ve given a speech/prayer when the ceremony started.
• Big up to @MissValy @CrazeBsebolao @One_Neo and @KefilweAshley for watching with me.