A few good people


How we stayed friends

I am a good friend. I think anyone who is a friend is presumed to be a good. Good friends, even great ones are and can be very flawed people and no amount of love and respect for the other friend will change this.

I grew up as an only child. I realised this more when I got to varsity. In high school I pretty much kept to myself. I only socialised to survive what I believe were the most dishonest years of my life in terms of who I am. Things were different when I got to varsity. In knowing yourself you need to surround yourself with a few good people and have them be mirrors that reflect your true self while doing the same for them.

Anyways, when I got to varsity I realised that I do not understand my peers. I remember thinking that people have so many feelings. Feelings about everything and feelings towards each other. I only had to ever deal with my own feelings. But for the first time in my life I had to deal with other people’s feelings. This was a game of trial and error for me. It was a skill I had to learn. A skill most children with siblings are fortunate enough to learn at very young age.

I tried to make sense of things in my own way. I think a lot and when something does not make sense to me I do not entertain it. People and their feelings did not make sense. I had to, however, persevere I needed friends to bear witness to my life and my experiences.

The first thing that occurred to me is that we are not forced by any force to be in friendship with anyone. This led a few people to think that I’m very picky and wayward. There were certain people I just did not want to be around. The same people hadn’t particularly done anything to me, but I just wanted nothing to do with them. But I had mutual friends with them.  So that was my first lesson. For friends you have to be cool with other people you don’t care at all for.

Then my only child syndrome reared its ugly head. I became selfish with my friends. I had fallen in love with them. Now I had to share them with people I didn’t even want to acknowledge as part of the human race. You see! That’s how extreme it was. I felt like my friends were mine because of the work I had to put in to get to call them friends. I’d do crazy somersaults in my head when my friends would inadvertently complain about these other friends to me. I didn’t understand. I would often feel like their other friends don’t even deserve them. I explored the possibility that hey, maybe I’m also a friend just like them. Maybe my friends also complained about me to their other friends. I learnt to deal with this and decided that feelings cannot always be trusted; sometime I just need to put them away.

I got to understand my friends. I got to accept them for exactly who they were. I can’t emphasise that enough. I accepted my friends for exactly who and what they are. I was in love. I had kind of found out what it was like to have siblings.

As time went by I realised that cracks were starting to appear in the reflective mirror of friendship. I was not being seen for who and what I was. In some cases I too would find myself unsatisfied with the work (or lack thereof) my friends were putting into the friendship garden. So I went a little crazy. I stopped speaking to my best friend for 6 months! I was cursed by unsentimental indifference I actually didn’t care. Six months later my crazy subsided. I called my friend, peace was restored. What we both agreed on is that we didn’t stop being friends at any point. We just stopped talking. Thing is I got mad, he got mad and we were both mad. But it was temporary. Everything that led to us not talking was temporary. Our friendship was however not. I was humbled by the idea that a friendship is people choosing to forever learn each other, understand each other. It’s working through temporary nonsense when it comes up. It’s been 6years plus and we are still going strong. LOL, we’re actually not talking right now but whatever. I say whatever but I’m always a little agitated when I’m not speaking to my buddy.

Today

I recently lost a dear friend to mindless banter that I apologised for. I was forgiven but the damage was apparently irreparable, so I got dumped for life. I’m still in shock really. But that’s the problem right there. When do great friendships end? What do we consider enough of a reason to completely shut someone out of your life for all time? Is there ever a reason?

I once had a conversation with @Miss__TC about friendship. She said that some of her friends have become so paramount to her existence that there’s nothing that would separate them. She further went on to say that even if they slept with her husband, she’d have to fuck them up and probably go to therapy with them. But she will not lose her friends.

I feel like this about some of the friends in my life. Mind you there aren’t many. Very few actually. But when do we reach this point that @Miss__TC is referring to? What marks that point of absolute friendship that is as divine as any gift from God?

Friends will hurt you in ways that you cannot imagine. Sometimes they won’t even understand how much they have hurt you. You will do the same to them too. But it needs to be okay. These things need to be dealt with. If you cannot, then you don’t know your friend. It means you have no faith in the good nature of the person you have come to love.

Post Script

I have friends I speak to every 4 months or less. But each time it’s like we never skipped a beat! God bless you guys. You get that friendship doesn’t have to be like the White House garden. It can be tended when need be. If I feel its time, I’ll holla…if you feel its time holla. It works. Thank you for making friendship real, simple, easy, convenient and everything else that takes away unnecessary pressure. You guys know me well.

To my angels P&L. You are my family.

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About obialone
I'm random and unwise. I'm always seeking wisdom in its simplest form. I'm scared of not being scared, so I find ways to terrify myself. I care about everything, and I'm interested in all things. I reserve the right to change my mind, anytime. So in most cases I find it best to humble my opinion

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