The single are helpless (maybe not the right word).


I’ve been working on this for a bit
now.  Quite frankly, I just had to blog
about this to try to make sense of what I think is inside of me. Might as well
share it with you guys. In case I’m not going through such things alone. You must understand, I don’t expect you to agree with any of what I’m
saying in this here post.

I once tweeted this : “You are single
for one reason and one reason alone. You haven’t found someone who likes you,
and who you like back”. Now that I’m a blogger (snaps for me), I can
explore this further. I thought about my tweet and it essentially meant that
the single are helpless.

I want to get a few things out of the way.
It is such things that I find lead to confusion and us lying to ourselves. The
story of she/he is not my type. Here’s the thing. Only people in a relationship
have a type. Your type is not someone that you make up in your head! “She/he
has to be like this, and that, and there’s no way he can….”. Yeah, no! It
doesn’t work like that you. Your type is the person you are with or end up with.
We need to realise that we change our minds all the time. Sometimes it’s
circumstantial and sometimes, you just realise “Fuck it, so what if he doesn’t
have a car” or “I don’t give a shit if she smokes”.  If there was ever a variable in life, it’s
this so-called “type”.

Dating
is not necessarily being in a relationship, in what I understand as the
definition of a relationship. Lol, I’ve just backed myself up into a corner
right there, because I can’t really say I know what a relationship is. Or
maybe, I know exactly what it is, because I haven’t had one. I actually believe
in what I’ve just said. I know what it is because I haven’t had one. Yes I have
dated, l am not a freak weirdo. But as far relationships go, I go short.

I read in a Paulo Coehlo novel once
(paraphrasing) “At a point in life, we all believe in an impossible love. And
when the truth about that sets in, we a released from that fantasy and can find
a true love.” Hehehe, I’m pretty sure I’m making this up; it was something to
that effect. What the impossible love for me means is that first heart break,
where you found your soul mate, and it’s everything Disney, Nancy Meyers and
every Hugh Grant movie have promised you, but it’s a broken promise, coz it
just can never be! Its love, it’s real, you feel it, you want it, you yearn for
it, but it will jaaaast never be.

I think I am single because I am yet
to find my impossible love, I’m waiting to be released. This is true for most
of my friends. It must be said though, this is most possibly not the status quo
for our peer group. I don’t know many normal people.

We are also helpless because as humans we
survive and adapt. This is how we were built. And @TheSingleWoman isn’t making
things any better, stop following that ish! You know who you are. Being single
is not something we should get used to, and be okay with. I’m not saying join
an internet dating sight! No, I’m saying recognise that you are deserving and
capable of finding someone.

I was speaking to my buddy for days the
other day @kumarclark. And she just said it so right. “We live in a world where we
don’t “need” to be in relationships for the reasons that people used to be in
them. Which makes it harder for us to be in them.”

She said that what we are looking for is
companionship. What this meant to me is that, we want to want to be wanted,
when we need it. We want to want when we feel like it. We want the job, without
the work, and we want the rewards without the effort. We are that generation.

Are we doomed to this reality? I’m scared
that we are. It’s so easy, and its something you can have. But its so short
term, so convienent, so unsustainable. Eventually someone will want more.

To quote from a song by one of my
favourite subterranean bands, Lovage: “I feel that you shouldn’t get
involved in a relationship, until you are emotionally mature enough to handle
it totally. Able to cope with your feelings and your sexuality, without guilt,
inhibition or phoniness, but with love, tenderness and honesty.”

Be opened minded to the idea of everything
you believe you deserve and are worthy of. You only have your sanity to lose,
and who needs that. Something good will come your way. Beyond that, you are
helpless.

Gonna leave you guys with a line from a
book by Zoe Heller, “Notes on Scandal”

“Being alone is not the most awful
thing in the world. You visit your museums and cultivate your interests and
remind yourself how lucky you are not to be one of those spindly Sudanese
children with flies beading their mouths. You make out To Do lists – reorganise
linen cupboard, learn two sonnets. You dole out little treats to yourself –
slices of ice-cream cake, concerts at Wigmore Hall. And then, every once in a
while, you wake up and gaze out of the window at another bloody daybreak, and
think, I cannot do this anymore. I cannot pull myself together again and spend
the next fifteen hours of wakefulness fending off the fact of my own misery.”

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About obialone
I'm random and unwise. I'm always seeking wisdom in its simplest form. I'm scared of not being scared, so I find ways to terrify myself. I care about everything, and I'm interested in all things. I reserve the right to change my mind, anytime. So in most cases I find it best to humble my opinion

11 Responses to The single are helpless (maybe not the right word).

  1. kgahlego says:

    I love the last quote-describes EXACTLY how I feel! I remeber once I had an FB status (yeah back in those days) that read: No one actually really loves being single, we just make do. I like this-it was honest. No fake independent BS & no True Love nonsense. But, with all the love in my heart, I’m gonna say: u might wanna proof read friendship (one or two errors here & there) – nothing major tho. Just that, we want this blog to go pro. That said-super well done on this-i think it shows just how much we’ve grown.

    • obialone says:

      Yes, we have grown friend. Like lots, and sometimes, I wish we didn’t. I’m only starting to appreciate the bliss of ignorance now that I don’t have it anymore. Yoh friend, I’m so sloppy with proof reading. Reading my own shit is painful. Makes me wanna change shit. You were part of the reason why I had to write this blog, so thank you for the inspiration.

  2. PRINCESS says:

    THANK YOU TWIN-A….this blog is exactly what i needed, lol!! to be honest being alone hasnt been that awful, because i genuinely wasnt mature enough to be in a relationship…for the past month or so, ive been opening myself up to the idea of just being with someone – no hugh grant movie corny lines or fake promises – but genuine “like to like” factor!! and now that something is coming towards me from the horizon, i just hope fear wont hold me back!! LOVE YOUR WORK BY THE WAY!!

    • obialone says:

      Hahahaha, TwinB! How you gonna explain stalking a twin to the police? We must talk about this Horizon, this is good news!
      Eish, when my biggest fan is in my family mafia, its dodgy hey! I joke. Thank you so much twin! You were with me in the big of this blog, and its nice to know that you’re pledging loyaly!
      The life of a singleton ne, its a good time until its not.

  3. chantelle says:

    Thato, that is a lot of thought! Let me ask you though, you know I’m a serial singlton right? But, you have known me long enough to know that I gave a ” great love” at least once year. I’m serious, at that time I am loving the love…until I just don’t want it anymore. I am addicted to pain and drama, coupledom usually lacks this. On the other hand singledom has plenty! But then again, in that moment, I am loving the pain and drama until I don’t to anymore. It’s a vicious cycle!

    • obialone says:

      You know you condition is actually chronic. Its funny, coz you take all that pain and drama, put it nicely into one of your big bags, and carry it to the next love.
      Pain and drama are fun (maybe not the right word). They give us little thrills and anecdotes to relate over glasses of wine. There’s nothing wrong with it, I don’t think there is. Just don’t stay too long at the fair friend. The clowns stop being funny.
      You’ll do this until you can’t anymore. Have you had your “Impossible love yet?”

  4. chantelle says:

    Wise Obialone. You’re right, I think I’m tired of the circus now. I’ve gathered enough experience to write a trilogy. I don’t know if I have had my impossible. How does one know?

    • obialone says:

      The impossible love ne, its basically like Cinderella, then Prince Charming turns out to be gay. Or Snow White, and Prince Charming loves the snow white you sniff, more than the person. Or Sleeping Beauty, and Prince Charming keeps drugging her to go hook up with some other fairy tale tramp. Point is they’re all Prince charmings, its perfect….but alas.

  5. chantelle says:

    Lols In that case, I think I have. I loved him and I continue to. It went bad, as it usually does. But, even with all my experiences since then, I would drop everything for him. The killer part is, I know he would do the same for me. Life…if it were simple, it would bore us to death:)

  6. L.T says:

    there’s nuthin wrong wit being single or r-ship, so long as wat u want & r dnt get defined by it 2 the extent that u cnt recognise u.

  7. Bushmoney says:

    Akitsi

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